"I've lost the weight and he still won't have sex with me. What am I supposed to do?"
My boyfriend has gone off sex completely. He said it was because I put on weight. We didn’t have sex for over a year and although I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he just changes the subject. I’ve recently lost three stone and am slimmer now than when I first met him three years ago. I love him but I really miss sex and am trying very hard not to be tempted to look elsewhere. What can I do to make him get aroused by me again? Or am I wasting my time staying in a sexless relationship?
He tells you he doesn’t want sex because you are overweight, but still doesn’t want it when you lose weight. You’re thinner than you were when he met and was attracted to you. He won’t talk to you about it, even though you’ve tried and you haven’t had sex for a year. This is crunch time.
Your boyfriend needs to start talking - and fast. Sit him down and tell him you need to have an honest conversation and if he’s not prepared to, you’re not prepared to stay in the relationship. That should get him to take you seriously. Then tell him you are confused why he doesn’t want to have sex with you. He told you it was your weight but now you’ve lost weight and he’s still not interested. What’s going on?
It could be he’s having erection problems and too embarrassed to tell you. It could be he suffers from low desire and is too embarrassed to tell you. Both can be worked through if you do it together or with the help of a good sex therapist (find one through www.basrt.org.uk). It could also be that the relationship has turned more into friends than lovers. In which case, I’d recommend my book Supersex for Life, which talks a lot about how sex and love aren’t easy bedfellows. Or it could be you’re with a man who simply doesn’t care enough about you to try to sort this out, in which case, yes, you definitely are wasting your time.