• "I'm an 18 year old virgin and my boyfriend keeps pushing me to have sex. What can I do?"


    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and we haven't had sex. He keeps pushing me for it and I just keep saying I'm not ready. I’m 18 and a virgin. Whenever we get in bed he always moves over to me but I just pretend I'm asleep. He said that whenever I say no it turns him on. I don't know what to do anymore. What can I do?


    There are some obvious ways to make this easier on both of you: first, give him an idea of when you will be ready to have sex and the reason why you want to wait. I thought it quite interesting that you didn’t include this in your email.

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting to preserve your virginity for either moral or religious reasons but you give no indication of whether you’re waiting for marriage or just for the time to be ‘right’. Which begs the question, are you waiting because you’re not ready for sex or because you’re not ready for sex with him?

    Your first time is obviously very important to you, I wonder if your hesitation is because the man you’re with now isn’t the right person. If you’re sure he is, think about what you need to make yourself feel comfortable enough to have sex. Not because I’m trying to hurry you but because if he knows the answers to these questions, he may stop hassling you.

    There are (obviously) other ways to satisfy him that don’t involve penetrative sex. You could indulge in mutual masturbation (using your hands on each other) or perform oral sex. If you give him lots of ‘treats’ like this and a deadline of when you would be ready for intercourse, he might well calm down.

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    Comments (2)

    • sexylesley: September 26, 2010 12:12
      A year is a long time to be with a guy these days and to have still not had sex but you still shouldnt feel pressurised... I was 18 when i lost my virginity. (A long time ago) Actually i'd only known my boyfriend for a short time and feel slightly ashamed at having intercourse so soon. Was all over in seconds for first few times, not even aroused so couldnt feel frustrated just very disappointed. Us girls need plenty of foreplay first which i would hope he is doing... Hope you make the right decision it's difficult.

    • Angela: September 28, 2010 22:59

      Never do anything you are not comfortable with. Good loving sex takes a lot of practice over years to develop love and trust and intimacy. Take your time.
      I've never met anyone whose early full penetrative experiences were amazing, often nice yes but more simple trial and error.
      I would spend more time just enjoying each others bodies, finding out what you both really like. Remember good sex is fun and that means lots of laughter as well as cuddles and intensity.
      I don't know if you are ready but check out some of the Female Led Relationship sites. Around her finger, or She males the rules they will give you a very different persepctive on the balance between men and women.

      It's interesting he gets turned on when you say no. You could even check out http://www.malechastityblog.

      I hope you find the above useful and wish you well with your relationship.

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