"Can our relationship survive if we aren't sexually compatible?"
I have been with my girlfriend for five years and sex has become boring now that we live together. She loves me so much and really wants children but I'm scared we are just not compatible sexually.
I have an extremely high sex drive and like very kinky sex. I enjoy BDSM and worry I am much more open-minded than my girlfriend. I still really fancy her and masturbate whilst thinking of her doing kinky things with me. Can a relationship work long-term if you are both so differently sexually?
Have you told your girlfriend about the things you’d like to try? If you haven’t for fear of ‘shocking’ her, try suggesting something mild – perhaps a simple tie-up game using her stockings or a tie – and see how she reacts.
Could be she’s willing to meet you halfway, which may be enough to satisfy you. If she’s not open to any of the things that arouse you, it becomes a case of deciding what will make you happiest long-term and weighing up the pros and cons. She is offering you love, a stable family life and possibly children. What you may miss out on is adventurous sex (though you can indulge this side through porn and fantasy).
If you leave, you might find a woman who you love and also enjoys the type of sex you prefer. It’s both a choice and a risk. I find it interesting that you say ‘she loves me so much’ rather than ‘I love her so much’. Are you staying with her because you want to or because you feel you should? If it’s the latter, be aware that you may end up in the situation where you love your wife but end up having partners on the side to satisfy yourself sexually. And that’s no fun for either of you.
Relationships can survive long-term if both of you have different sex drives and sexual preferences but there needs to be honesty, some meeting in the middle and understanding of each other’s needs.