• "Why do I always attract men who are already in relationships?"


    I always seem to attract men who are already in relationships. Why and how can I tell early on that they’re already involved?


    Ask them outright. A lot of men use the excuse ‘Well, it never came up’ or ‘I didn’t tell her I was single, she just assumed I was’. Assume nothing. If you start chatting to someone and find them attractive, don’t be too shy to ask outright ‘So, are you single or married or involved with anyone?’ (Make sure you add on the last one - he could easily say ‘no’ to both but have a live-in girlfriend! It’s all about loopholes!) Yes it’s direct, but it sorts the men from the boys very early on.

    You both have no real reason to lie at that stage because you’ve only just met. Even if there’s a strong physical attraction, it’s easy for you to walk away if you’ve only been chatting for half an hour. And by asking him outright, he’s unlikely to try to pull the wool over your eyes because you’re on red alert.

    If you ask and he says he’s single but you still get the feeling he’s lying, arrange to go to his place as soon as possible. Unless he’s a serial womanizer and has a shag pad, it’s pretty hard to invite you back for drinks if there’s a wife and kids at home. Or a girlfriend liable to call in at any moment – or notice blonde hairs all over the sofa.

    Why are you attracting them? You’re wise to wonder if they’re choosing you or you’re choosing them. One married/attached man is a mistake, more than one is a choice. Do you have any commitment issues? I ask because ‘taken’ men are prime targets for commitment phobic women. They’re safe to get involved with because they’re can’t commit to you.

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    Comments (2)

    • Alex: October 16, 2010 10:35
      Hmmm, I hate to say but I feel like the 'blame' for attracting married men is being put on the woman here. I've ended up in relationships with taken men, and 99% of the time I didn't know they were taken and when I found out I ended the relationship. I didn't go hunting them, they came after me and it seems like this woman is in the same boat. And you haven't actually answered the question at all, you've told her how to double check if a guy is single and suggested it may all be her fault. But I don't see "you most probably attract taken men because..." in there anywhere.

      Because of my personal history I was quite interested in what the answer to this would be, I'm fed up of ending up with taken men myself. But I feel quite offended in all honestly, you seem to have assumed it's the woman's choice to end up in these relationships. It's not her, my or anyone's choice if we're lied to and don't know about his girlfriend/wife/whatever.

      I'm disappointed LoveHoney, this just seems like a thinly veiled excuse to get women to click on the link, read that, feel bad about themselves and then buy Tracey's book to make themselves better. If this becomes a trend I'm going to stop so highly recommending you to all and sundry and buy all my goodies from somewhere else.

    • Alex: October 16, 2010 10:38
      Ha, I've just noticed the actual question is totally different from the title of the piece. Here was me being silly and thinking they would be the same, going by the title is what my previous comment is in relation to.
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