• "I love my girlfriend but fear we have no chemistry. Should I wait for it to develop?"


    I love my girlfriend but I’m worried she’s way more into me than I am her. I like her but don’t feel excited about the relationship, like I did with my ex (who dumped me!). We get on okay but it feels like chemistry is missing. I’m not sure whether to continue seeing her in the hope that maybe it develops?


    It does sound like chemistry is missing and, to be completely frank, I don’t honestly think it will develop if it hasn’t by now. There’s one way to tell if you have it or not: if you have to ask yourself the question, you don’t!

    Whether it’s crucial for life-long happiness, very much depends on your personality. If you want a passionate, intense relationship - and it sounds like you do - chemistry is essential. If the word ‘content’ makes you feel warm and fuzzy rather than ancient and anxious, not so.

    Chemistry changes the dynamics of a relationship, making it more intense and therefore more dangerous. Which isn’t everyone’s idea of fabulous. It’s perfectly possible to ‘click’ with someone and have a lovely time together without ever feeling ‘chemistry’ with that person and controlled, ‘sensible’ relationships suit lots of people.

    If, however, you’re after a more powerful emotional and sexual experience, by all means go for the person you want to instantly slam up against a wall to swap souls and saliva with. Chemistry won’t guarantee you lifetime love, but it’s a bloody good start - and it’s likely to make you stick around for the finish.

    In answer to your question of whether to keep seeing your girlfriend or not: I wouldn’t continue expecting fireworks to suddenly happen, only if you’re happy with what’s on offer. Only you can tell whether it’s enough for you or not, though I am suspecting the latter!

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