• "My ex is harassing me with upsetting emails, texts and calls. How can I stop him?"


    I split with my ex boyfriend six months ago and he’s still bombarding me with emails, texts and phone calls, begging to be given another chance or abusing me, depending on what mood he is in. It’s both upsetting and threatening. I’ve been told to ignore him but that isn’t working. What do I do now?


    Write him an email saying that the relationship is well and truly over, there is no hope, and hassling you is making you dislike him, not regret what you’ve done. Repeat certain sentences throughout: ‘I don’t love you anymore’, ‘There is no hope’, ‘There is nothing you can do that will change my mind’ and ‘It is over for good’.

    It’s better to write it down rather than say it over the phone. If he’s in denial, it’s much harder to dismiss something that’s before him in black and white. Ask your mutual friends to back up what’s in the letter. If your ex is constantly calling them for news, ask them to say that they have indeed spoken to you and I’m afraid it really is over and that you’ve met someone else.

    If he still doesn’t let up after that, you might consider sending him a letter from your lawyer. Explain to the lawyer that you’re being hassled and would like them to send a letter on your behalf. It should be formally worded on official letterhead and state that you will seek a restraining order unless he stops calling/following/or harassing you. It won’t cost very much, it shows you mean business and it’ll scare all but the most stubborn exes into giving up.

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (1)

    • bx: March 07, 2011 19:41
      This is abuse, it isn't him being unable to let go of the relationship it is him seeking to re-control you. It isn't about love or caring.

      It is time to seek a solicitor or if you can't afford one see the CAB or for specific legal help for women about issues such as abuse see this website http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/index.php for more details.

      If he becomes very threatening call the national DV helpline, which is free from any landline phone on 0808 2000 247 if he you are genuinely scared for your physical wellbeing then immediately call 999 (or 112 from a mobile as they have a gps locator)

      I would also advise changing your mobile number; - every mobile company i know of will change sim numbers without charge in the case of abuse and stalking ... only give your new number to people you trust not to give it to him ...

      For more online advice you can get help via the women's aid forum

      a real relationship even when it ends is about mutuality and mutual respect not "abuse".


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