"I am obsessed with my boyfriend and afraid I'll lose him. Can you help me?"
I'm obsessed with my boyfriend. When I'm with him I feel like the happiest girl in the world and when I'm not I'm really sad and I don't want to do anything apart from be with him. It’s like I'm a different person now.
I want to be with him all the time and it's causing problems because he wants to spend some time with his mates. I can’t go out with mine because I lost them all through fights over him. I really love him and don't want to lose him. Can you help me?
Yes, I can but I suspect you’re not going to like what I have to say. Give the guy some space! Dear God, you weren’t joking when you said you were obsessed - this is bordering on suffocation! Letting your man go out without you - happily, without even a hint of a sulk - will do two things. First up, he won’t feel like he’s on a very, very short lease and that he’s missing out on life.
No matter how much he loves you, no one person can fulfill all our needs. We need time alone, time with friends, time with family and time at work to feel truly satisfied. The freer he feels to explore life, with or without you by his side, the more he will want to stay with you. The second reason why this is a Very Good Thing to do is because it will give you back the power you are handing to him on a platter.
You are in a dangerous position right now: your boyfriend is your whole world. Were he to leave you - and the chances, I have to say, are high that he will if you keep clinging on so tightly - your entire world would fall apart. You’d have no friends to lean on and I’m guessing you’ve been ignoring your family as well.
It’s not healthy to be in this position: you’re completely dependent on him for your happiness. This is why you’re clinging onto him so tightly - it’s not because you love him so much. Love doesn’t mean you have to spend every second glued to someone’s side. It’s fear that makes us want to attach like Velcro.
Give your relationship the best chance by creating space. Call up those girlfriends and apologise for dumping them for him. Ask to meet up for a drink or coffee. Then tell your boyfriend to organise a night out with the boys. Gradually let other people and things back into your life - girlfriends, family, go back to the gym and don’t forget drinks with workmates - and let him let people back into his. The fuller your life is, the more interesting you will be to him, the less obsessed you’ll be and the relationship will truly have a chance to turn into something that lasts.