• "I didn't feel any sensation during sex after abstaining for five years. What can I do?"


    I don’t feel any sensation during sex. I recently had a one night stand with this cute guy after nearly five years of sexual abstinence and I did not enjoy or feel anything. Prior to the abstinence, I had just lost my virginity and did not have a sex life.

    I must have had sex about five times which felt numb and sensationless.  When will I start to enjoy sex? Will a pelvic toner help? I'm approaching my late twenties and I'd like to start enjoying sex sooner than later.


    The first thing I’d like you to do is visit your GP and get a referral to a gynaecologist. Tell the gynaecologist that you feel numb during sex and he or she will check to see if there’s any damage to the nerve endings that may affect your ability to feel stimulation. (I doubt this is the case, since you have had limited partners and no children or surgery - at least none you’ve mentioned - but it’s still worth getting a complete check up).

    If you get the all clear, I suspect one of two things is happening. I’m presuming you’re aware that orgasms originate from the clitoris rather than the vagina, so it’s normal to feel much more when you’re being touched on or around the clitoris, than when the guy (however cute) is inside your vagina. Most of the nerves or ‘feeling’ of the vagina is in the first inch. Lots of women complain of little or no feeling deep inside their vagina for this reason.

    The other is that the vagina ‘balloons’ when we’re aroused. Ever heard the joke about the girl saying to the guy ‘Is it in yet?”. It’s not just related to size, quite a few women complain of feeling very little on penetration. So it could be your expectations of what you expected to feel vaginally are too high.

    Focus more on clitoral stimulation, however, and you’ll soon reap the rewards! My third suggestion would be that you may have a psychological block to sex. You don’t mention why there’s been a five year period of abstinence but it could be that whatever prompted you to avoid sex for that long, isn’t resolved yet and is stopping you enjoying sex now. If you feel this is a problem, it may be worth exploring it with a good sex therapist. You’ll find one at either relate.org.uk or cosrt.co.uk.

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