• "My boyfriend won't go down on me. How do I convince him?"


    My boyfriend won't go down on me. How do I convince him or make it a better experience for him? I feel like I've tried everything including a healthier diet, shaving differently, etc. If he ever does goes down, he loses his erection! Help!


    Did he have a bad experience with oral sex before? Ask him directly if he has. An early experience with a girl who perhaps wasn’t so hygienic or had an infection which made it all a bit, well, smelly down there can put some men off completely. If he’s obsessed with cleanliness, maybe shower together first and turn it into foreplay or shower just before sex yourself. (A healthy vagina has a pleasant smell, so if find there is an odd odour, it’s worth getting checked out by your GP, switching to non-soap products, wearing cotton underwear and giving those skinny jeans a miss for a bit.)

    Having written all this, it sounds like you have already addressed all these issues. As for shaving differently… well, have to say I’ve never heard that as an excuse before! And I suspect an excuse is what it is. My overriding instinct on this one is that this has nothing to do with how you smell or whether you’re too stubbly and more about him not knowing what to do once he’s down there. Far easier to complain about all these other things than say straight out that he doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to do to give you pleasure. So it’s up to you to teach him.

    Try buying a few good general sex books as a present for the two of you. Pretend you bought them because you want to try some new intercourse positions. (Men have no problems referring to a book for that. It’s practical and they’re not supposed to know every position in the Kama Sutra.) Make sure the ones you choose have good guides on how to give a girl oral (in my range Supersex or Sextasy would be good options.) He will hopefully read them when you’re not around.

    Continue to encourage him to try and don’t worry about him losing his erection. He’s going limp because he’s nervous about not performing and this is about your pleasure not his, after all! When he does go down on you, gently tell him what feels good and what doesn’t and even if he doesn’t get it right the first few times, give him lots of positive feedback until he does get the hang of it.

    Send your love life to Sextasy

    Comments (2)

    • Angel: June 22, 2011 01:53
      Ok here's my dilemma; i'm bi & so is my best friend, she's fancied me for the past 5 years & I have fancied her for sereval years. We've only recenlty admitted our feelings to one another and started 'exprimenting' with each other sexually. My problem is that a) she is a very sloppy kisser and has very bad breath so kissing her kind of puts me off and b) she is a masochist and due to this she likes and enjoy been physically hurt and been dominating it gets her off but sometimes like at the weekend she gets too rough (my breasts are slightly brsied and they still havent gone down) she bites and squeezes every part of my body and it really hurts she mistakes my cry of pain for pleasure. How do I tell het these things without hurting her???? Please help!!!!!!
    • BB: June 23, 2011 14:52
      Hard as it is, you have to be blunt. It's going to come out sooner or later, and it'll hurt her more if she thinks you've been tolerating her out of fear of saying anything.

      For the kissing style, just remember that everyone likes different things, so saying you'd prefer if she was more gentle/slower/whatever is a little less offensive, as the 'blame' lies with your tastes, not her abilities.

      The breath, well, that's never going to be easy. Talk to her about it in a neutral setting, some time when ye're not kissing or fooling around. Telling someone that their hygiene is sub-par is always going to embarrass them, so the best you can do is ensure it's at a time when she's not naturally vulnerable, such as when ye're getting naked, or about to go somewhere together. Much as face to face is a good thing, here it might be better over the phone so as to allow her space to be embarrassed and slink off by herself instead of havign to sit there thinking "god, do I smell even NOW? Is she dying to get away again? Man, I wish I could run home and brush my teeth...". Be sure to come in a positive way, look up some options, such as mouthwashes, diet changes, etc. that's even easier if you know her well enough to know if she's perhaps lax on cleaning her teeth, or if she has an especially bad diet, or what have you (things like black coffee, for example, result in bad breath, so it's not always just pickled eggs and garlic to blame!). If you make it clear that you're keen to get past the issue, then she's less likely to panic over it. And, if she does start trying things, be sure to give feedback so she knows that she's on the right track, or that it's solved, just rather than leaving her paranoid that you're too shy to say it again.

      The masochism thing, to be honest that's unfair that she has assumed she knows where your limits lie and put you in the position. Ideally, sit her down - again in a neutral setting, but face to face is fine here - and explain what you consider your limits. Everyone is different, and even those who do like pain will have vastly differing definitions of what they do and don't like. Make it a two-way thing: ask her to talk about what she feels she needs, and what she wouldn't want to happen, and you tell her the same. If you're unsure what you want, or where your limits lie, then that's a fair place to be, too, and she should know that you want to take it slowly and learn what fits for you. I'm sure she'll understand, and appreciate having both better guidelines to follow, and a lover who is more aware of her needs and boundaries.

      Good luck. It's not easy, especially with several issues piling up.

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