Anal play for beginners | Using your first butt plug
What's the body part with the highest concentration of nerve endings besides the genitals? Your bottom! Anal play used to be taboo but now lots of sexually adventurous couples are discovering its erotic potential.
While I'm very fond of saying there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have sex, when it comes to anal sex, there really are some crucial rules you need to follow to ensure you're shooting through the roof with pleasure - not pain.
This guide offers information specifically for first time butt plug users and anal play for beginners.
First time butt plug user?
Butt plugs are the perfect beginner's anal toy because they're non-threatening to look at (super-cute actually!) and easy to use.
You simply apply lube then insert into the anus and leave it there while you continue having sex.
Meanwhile, the plug works to stimulate the highly sensitive nerve-endings inside your rectum to make orgasms feel more powerful and intense.
Lots of women love the 'filled up' feeling of having one inserted during intercourse - and they're great preparation for anal intercourse, getting you used to having something inserted where things normally come out, rather than go in!
Using a butt plug for the first time doesn't have to be challenging thanks to the range of sizes available. Your first butt plug should be the same size or just slightly wider than your middle finger.
The tip of the anal plug should be tapered and rounded so it is as easy as possible to begin insertion. A smooth shape (rather than ribbed) will be easiest to insert, although not vital.
A flared base is essential for any butt plug to ensure it doesn't get drawn into the sphincter - beginners should look for especially wide flared bases for peace of mind, such as a T-bar base.
A smooth material such as silicone is probably the best choice for a first time butt plug, but skin-safe rubber or PVC is fine with extra lubricant if you're on a budget.
Avoid anything with phthalates, and unless you know for an iron-clad fact you don't have a latex allergy it might be advisable to avoid materials containing latex - this would not be a good time to find out!
How to insert a butt plug
The key for smooth insertion when using a butt plug first time is lubricant. Slather the tip and all down the body and neck of the butt plug with lubricant, plus a small amount to the entrance of your anus.
Hold the tip of the plug against your rosebud angled slightly towards your stomach. Gently push to insert the tip, then stop. Take your time to insert the full length of the plug. Your plug is fully inserted once the slim 'neck' of the plug is inside and the flared base rests against the outside of your bottom.
Once you're used to one size, move up to a bigger plug following the same steps.
Anal play for beginners
The trick to making anal play pleasurable is to make sure your partner is aroused first and apply lots of lube to both their anus and your finger or sex toy. Always start by rubbing the pad of your finger around the outside of the anus in a gentle, circular motion. Wait until the muscles relax, then insert your finger or toy a tiny way inside. Wait for the muscles to relax, then insert a little further. Keep inserting in this manner.
Fingers: Start with a pinkie inserted a tiny way; progress to the index finger over the next few sessions. After you've been doing this for a while, you could try inserting two fingers after that (hold them together to make one big one).
Rimming: Exploring the area with your tongue feels great their end and makes people realise how pleasurable anal stimulation can feel. If you're squeamish or worried about STIs lay a dental dam or cut up condom over the opening.
Butt plugs, glass butt plugs or vibrating butt plugs: If you enjoy the experience of using a butt plug, try some glass butt plugs. They slide in super easily, are hygienic, easy to clean and perfectly safe (because they're made from glass that won't snap, splinter or break). Twin set glass butt plugs are a good choice for first time anal play. Choose one which includes one plug that you leave in place and another massage-style plug that has a handle so can be angled, rocked and twisted once inserted. Perfect for prostate play and targeting the male 'G-spot'! Vibrating butt plugs are also extremely effective and popular.
Anal beads, probers and prostate massagers: The next logical step if you enjoyed your first time anal plug experience. Again, ONLY use toys that have a flared base to make sure they don't go in and stay in! Insert anal beads slowly, one bead at a time, and pull out gently. Gently does it with the prober or prostate massager as well.
Dildos: Glass dildos work well anally because they slide in easily and you can start small and work up to the same penis size as the person penetrating if you're trying to prepare the rectum for anal sex. Why not go straight for the real thing? Because the dildo isn't likely to get carried away and start manically thrusting before their partner is ready!
First time anal play
How do you incorporate anal play into your sex sessions? I think it works best when both of you are in the mood for particularly naughty, lusty sex and highly aroused. So introduce anal play mid or towards the end of the session rather than at the start. There's another reason to leave it a while - lots of people get so turned on by it, they orgasm immediately!
'Blended' orgasms (the result of two areas being stimulated at once) are quite easily achieved through anal play: insert a dildo or butt plug, finger or tongue inside their anus while continuing to stimulate elsewhere (hands or tongue on genitals or other hotspots or during vaginal intercourse) for an intense orgasm experience.
Butt plugs work particularly well for blended orgasms. While she's got the plug inserted, give her oral sex, play with her breasts, spank her bottom or insert your fingers or a dildo or vibrator into her vagina. If he's wearing the plug, give him a hand-job or head-job, pinch his nipples or play with his testicles. Plugs are also a brilliant way to create the sense of having a third person in bed with you without the complications of having a threesome in real life.
Once you're experimented with anal play, you may feel ready to try anal intercourse. It's a brilliant way to prepare the rectum for penile penetration - but still don't go barging on in there!
Some experts say if you do anal sex 'properly, it won't hurt'. I say even if you do it correctly, the urge to say 'Ow! That bloody hurt!" will strike you at times.
I repeat: the anal sphincter muscles are used to pushing things out, not taking things in, so you literally have to retrain your bottom.
You can only do this by taking things slowly and preparing for it properly. Do your research before attempting anal sex. Here's a comprehensive four-part guide to anal sex, or the more concise overview is below.