• "My husband keeps going to strip clubs behind my back. What should I do?"


    My husband keeps going to strip clubs behind my back. When I confronted him - well, I caught him - he said he wouldn’t change. I try everything to please him at home. What do you think I should do? Just put up with it?


    I actually don’t have a problem with strip clubs, if it’s the odd visit with the boys on a special occasion like a stag ‘do’. It’s usually just a male bonding thing, eye candy, and a place that has a bar that stays open late when all the pubs are closed. Most men don’t consider visiting a strip club as cheating but some women - like you - do. And this is what’s important here - it’s not a debate about the pros and cons of strips clubs but the fact that your husband doesn’t seem to care that he upsets you by going.

    Quite honestly, I think his attitude stinks! It’s a marriage not a dictatorship. Whatever happened to talking through things and finding a compromise that suits both of you? Is everything done on his terms? I have the horrible feeling it might be. When your partner says ‘I won’t change’ and refuses to take into account your feelings, it leaves you with nowhere to go and nothing to negotiate with. You’re powerless. Take back power!

    I certainly don’t think you should just ‘put up with it’. Instead, sit him down and tell him this isn’t just about strip clubs, it’s about him not taking into account your needs and feelings. Talk calmly but firmly and look him in the eye so he knows you mean business. Don’t shout but use a calm, no-nonsense voice and tell him that if the marriage is to survive, you need to work as a team not have him as the boss. That should at least get his attention and let him know you won’t put up with being treated like this.

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