"During my periods my husband still demands sex. I just want to rest my body."
I’ve been married for 29 years and am 49 with three children all grown up. During my periods my husband still demands sex. They only last two to three days but are extremely heavy due to me being pre-menopausal. This causes friction between us as he has a high sex drive. I don’t feel great during this time and just want to rest my body. He tells me I am selfish. He thinks that other sexual duties should happen which I agree with however I feel drained by my situation. We have an excellent sex life other wise.
Emails like yours astonish and worry me. They astonish me because I find it hard to accept there are still marriages functioning under archaic rules like this, even though I know there are plenty. I worry because I wonder what else you have been putting up with. Do you feel you have any rights at all in this relationship or is he the boss in everything, including sex?
You’re daring to ask to be excluded from any sort of sexual activity for a mere two or three days a month? Dear God, men everywhere are throwing their hands up in exasperation, wishing their wives would even do the opposite: grant them sex more than two or three times a month! It is totally normal and acceptable for you to want to abstain from sex for those few days, especially if your periods are heavy and you don’t feel great.
Quite frankly, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to also say you’re not interested in sex for other reasons too. You’re not a prostitute or a sex machine, you are his wife! A human being with needs and feelings of her own. So what if he has a high sex drive! Has he ever heard of masturbation and satisfying himself during these times? Or actually just channeling the need for sex into something else, like going for a run or perhaps reading a nice book about feminism? I’m sorry to be sarcastic but you’re not the one being selfish, he is. His demands smack of chauvinistic sexism and him treating you as his possession.
Again, I’m sorry if I am not being more sympathetic to his cause, but I am 100% on your side here and furious at him for making you doubt what is a reasonable request. I realise that after being married for 29 years he’s going to get a bit of a shock for you standing up for yourself but I’d strongly suggest you do. If you’ve stayed married to him out of love - which I’m guessing you have, if you say your sex life is ‘excellent’ otherwise - it’s time for a little chat. One that brings him into the 21st century and not stuck in the dark ages.