• Hot Topic: Can I stick you in the deep freeze for a year or two?

    Hot Topic: Can I Stick You In The Deep Freeze For A Year Or Two?

    Ah, timing and why it's so important! What do you do if you’ve finally met someone who ticks all the boxes and is totally, utterly, ridiculously perfect but they just aren’t ready to settle down yet? Do you wait? Shrug philosophical shoulders, walk away and put it down to bad timing? Or do what lots of people do and pretend to move on but spend the next year looking over your shoulder expecting them to reappear, stealthily stalking them online and wanting to hang yourself every time you hear Adele’s Someone Like You?

    Please don’t do option three (and I’m not just talking about the hanging). It really never ends happily. Instead, let’s do what people hate doing and use logic to solve an emotional problem. You really can control who you fall in love with, you know! It’s called being sensible about your heart and only giving it to people who you’re pretty sure will look after it. I’m not saying don’t take a risk, just take calculated ones. Like let’s pose an obvious question here and really listen to what they answer: why aren’t they ready and when will they be?

    If you’ve just met and they’re about to go travelling for a year, I honestly wouldn’t spend the next twelve months glued to Skype and staying pure. Though I would give them my email address and Skype now and then and maybe meet up with them somewhere exotic if it blossoms into something lovely. It’s a different scenario if they’re not ready because they’ve just split from someone else. In this scenario, play it cool, don’t pressure them, give them lots and lots and lots of space and in six months or so, they might change their mind. Ditto if it’s a time problem rather than timing. If they need to concentrate on their career for a year or two and you’re happy being slotted in whenever they can, again, it’s worth a try.

    The answer I’d be most wary of is the ‘I’m just not ready to settle down yet’ line. It’s not a concrete reason so there’s no end in sight. Besides, ‘not ready’ often means they’re waiting for the straight version of Grindr (or still using the current version if gay and male), so unless it’s just (safe) sex you’re after, personally I’d run for the hills.

    Sometimes, you’ll meet the right person at not quite the right time and they’ll think, Bugger it! I’m doing it anyway. Their feelings are so powerful, they override whatever it was that stopped them wanting to commit. Other times, you’ll meet the right person at not quite the right time and instead they think, I wish I could stick you in the deep freeze for five years while I sleep around a bit. Even if you are totally delicious, their need to be solo is more appealing. Learn to spot the difference and decision of whether to wait or move on is clear.

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