• "I seem incapable of being faithful, how do I stop doing this?"


    Even when I’m really in love with someone, I can’t stop looking at other girls or sneaking the odd snog with someone I fancy. It’s not that I don’t care about the person I’m with, I just seem incapable of being faithful. I’m 30. How do I stop doing this?


    Looking at other women doesn’t make you unfaithful - just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you won’t find other people attractive. Snogging them, however, does count as infidelity (a mild form of it in some people’s eyes, just as bad as full sex in others - but infidelity all the same, to most, if you’ve agreed to be sexually exclusive.) One part of me says this could simply be a case of you not ready to settle down yet. You’re 30 not 50. You’re a guy, so it’s not like your biological clock is ticking furiously. Have you tried just being single and playing the field for a while to see if it’s just a case of getting it out of your system?

    Think about what you’re getting from these snogging sessions with strangers (apart from the obvious novelty thrill). It could be insecurity on your part and/or a fear of getting hurt - you need and get an ego boost through attention from other women or perhaps you’re secretly worried the woman you love will leave you and you want a back-up and/or proof you’d still be able to pull another. In other words, try to establish if it’s a simple yearning for variety or something more dire at work?

    Fix your love life fast

    Comments (2)

    • NymphetamineKiss: May 14, 2012 02:44
      There are more options here than "date and be mono or be single and play the field" - what about an ethically non-monogamous relationship? They do exist, and they work very well for many - some who say they believe they're "not wired for monogamy" - perhaps this could be an avenue worth exploring in future relationships?

      NK x

    • Anonymous: March 15, 2015 15:12
      Men actually do experience a decline in testosterone from age 30, and their fertility is definitely affected by age - older men have a harder time getting a woman pregnant and their are increased risks to the unborn child when it is concieved. So while men don't have s "biological clock" (a stupid term for both genders really), a men in his 30s often does not have the same stamina or fertility levels of a man in his late teens and 20s. That doesn't mean men over 30 are not fit, healthy and fertile - many are. But things do change with age. So if you are interested in settling down and having a family, I would not recommend waiting until you are in your 40s for a man, unless you are really not ready. And of course, there is never any excuse or reason to settle down with one person if you are going to kiss others or cheat. Yes, even women in relationships will look at other attractive men. But looking (when its not obvious or creepy), is fine as long as you don't do anything or act on it. If you really can't be faithful to someone, then perhaps you don't love that as much as you think you do and you're not right fir each other, so its best to walk away from relationship.
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