• "He fancies strippers but not me!"


    I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my husband and am usually the one who instigates sex. So you can imagine how put out I was when I overheard him boasting to his mates about how he’d gone to a strip club and was ‘crawling the walls’ for sex afterward. I knew about the strip club and it didn’t worry me but he made it sound like he was the one wanting sex and I was the one rejecting him. Why would he lie and how come he fancied those women but not me?


    The urban myth that says those who boast most about having sex are usually the ones doing it the least, has a lot of truth to it - most of all when it’s a guy trying to show off in front of his mates. Society paints men as being in a permanent state of horniness, eager to throw a leg over whenever the opportunity arises. It’s not true (and most guys know it, even if they won’t admit it.) He was simply bigging himself up, rather than putting you down.

    Instead of giving him a right bollocking, use this to your advantage. Tell him you overheard him talking to his mates and say you found it sort of exciting that the strippers turned him on. Would he like it if you stripped for him? Could be this is one of his secret turn-ons that he’s not game to tell you.

    Bedding a stripper isn’t exactly an original fantasy but it is popular. It also doesn’t mean he wants to do it in real life - our secret erotic triggers aren’t necessarily secret desires to do them. One of my friend’s husbands recently revealed he fantasised about being dominated by a sex worker. Her knee-jerk reaction was that he wanted her to press a hundred quid in his palm and drop him off at the nearest brothel. But on further questioning, it turned out he simply wanted her to swap her sensible, white underwear for something black and saucy. She did it, added a pair of thigh high boots and he said it was not only the sexiest thing she’d ever done but the nicest. By indulging his turn-on rather than judging or humiliating him for it, it sparked his waning interest. I suspect it’s worth instigating edgier, ‘naughtier’ sex with your husband and seeing what effect that has on his sex drive.

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