• "Would I need to fantasise during sex if we experimented more?"


    If I want to orgasm during sex, I always have to fantasise. Sometimes I think about my partner, but more often it's someone else – a stranger, an ex or even someone we both know. I wonder if my partner and I experimented more I wouldn’t need to do this. How can I broach my fantasies with him?


    It’s normal and healthy to fantasise. Think of them as a vibrator for the mind. Your imagination is the single, most potent engine driving sexual desire. Tap into it and you’ve turned on nature’s in-built aphrodisiac.

    Fantasies are what keep sex fizzy and what can make sex with someone you’ve slept with hundreds of times seem not only remotely appealing but exciting. So instead of trying to stop fantasising, you should be actively encouraging them.

    Research shows as many as 80% of people in long-term relationships fantasise about other people while having sex with their partner. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you have an unadventurous sex life. But it can be a wake-up call if you are feeling bored. So by all means suggest trying some new things and experimenting more with your partner and this might well include sharing fantasies and role-playing them and using them to talk dirty.

    But be careful what and how you share. It’s generally not a good idea sharing fantasies that involve other people - especially people you know or exes. Fantasies about things you’d like to do with him - sex outside, spanking, tie-up games etc - are much safer.

    Tracey Cox Dare - What Happens When Fantasies Come True

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