• How Do I Talk To My Partner About Porn?

    The government's push for an opt in (rather than opt out) internet porn filter scheme means many couples will be forced to have a conversation about porn. Not sure how to broach it with your partner? Here's the answers to some common questions that hopefully will help!

    Do most people tell their partner if they use porn?

    It depends on the age group. Couples in their 20s have grown up with porn and are far more comfortable talking about it. They'll use it to 'research' new positions or things they want to try and dismiss the stuff they think is silly or repugnant. These sorts of couples will generally discuss what they've watched, what they've liked and watch it together. Older couples are more nervous about what their partner will think simply because they're less used to it and less used to talking openly about sex. We've become better at it over the years.


    Studies show 98% of men watch porn on a reasonably regular basis. That might only be for a few minutes a month but it's pretty regular. There's usually nothing sinister in it. Most are simply looking for visual stimulation to accompany a solo sex session but don't admit this to their partner for fear of hurting them. Because women do get upset about it. Some see it as a form of cheating. Others worry it means their partner wants them to look like or do what the people on screen are doing. Neither is usually true. It's simple escapism. Is reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' cheating? What's the difference between words and pictures?

    What's an easy, no-embarrassment way to bring it up?

    You probably already have an idea of your partner's stance on porn. If they're reasonably open and adventurous in bed and you've watched sexy (mainstream) films together, it's not a terribly big risk to drop casually into the conversation: "What's your view on the whole porn debate?"

    A natural progression from that would be to ask each other if you watch porn and explain to your partner why and reassure them about any concerns they have. If your partner isn't adventurous or experimental, asking what they think of adults having to opt in rather than opt out of online porn is still a good way to introduce the topic in a natural way.

    Should you always admit to it?

    If your partner is vehemently opposed to porn and you're only watching it now and then for solo sex sessions, I don't see any point in admitting it. They'd probably prefer not to know, it's not influencing the relationship - what's the point of upsetting them?

    Can it be a good thing if your partner is watching porn?

    Very, very few people turn on porn and watch a whole movie; they usually do it during masturbating as erotic stimulation and are in and out of there in under 10 minutes. The more you masturbate and orgasm, the higher your sex drive generally because it's sex that keeps our 'sex hormones' flowing and topping up our libido. So in that sense porn is hugely beneficial.


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