Should I Tell Her I Come Too Fast?
Q: I'm nervous about sleeping with a girl I've been dating as I've suffered from premature ejaculation in the past.
Should I warn her or is it better to keep quiet? She's really easy to talk to and I'm wondering if confessing would help me be less anxious. I don't want to embarrass myself the first time we do it.
A: Talking nearly always helps solve any problem but it's especially useful in this scenario. (Well done for choosing a girl who is easy to talk to and you clearly feel comfortable with, by the way. This won't just help with PE but make solving any problem easier!)
Men with PE often put having sex off for much longer than other guys, making her question if you fancy her at all. Not pouncing on her at the first opportunity is also the main culprit for those paranoid 'Maybe he's secretly gay' questions as she struggles to understand why you haven't made a move.
Approach it by saying 'You've probably wondered why I haven't made a move by now' and then simply say, 'I want sex with us to be really good the first time because I really like you and I've had some problems with coming a little too quickly in the past'. That lets the cat out of the bag and opens the door for a frank, honest and open discussion. I don't know one girl who wouldn't rush to reassure you after hearing that or feel grateful that you were honest. Once she knows and you're both ready to start moving things up a notch, start having foreplay. Lots of it. Keep the first few sessions purely about pleasuring her: lots of kissing, playing with breasts, biting her neck, using your fingers and finally giving her oral sex. Ask her to keep her stimulation of you to a minimum. The next few sessions act as a bridge between foreplay and full penetration.
Now try sliding your penis in between the lips of her labia, grazing her clitoris back and forth with the top side of your penis. (The frenulum - the most sensitive part - is on the underside which is why stimulating the top part (nearest your belly) is a better idea.) Side-by-side positions or you behind are good for this. Also use the head of your penis (holding it with your hand) to rub her clitoris: it's super soft and feels great her end but shouldn't tip you over the edge. When it's time for full penetration, choose a girl-on-top position. Let her take the lead but instead of her using her thigh muscles to lift up and down on top of you, encourage her to grind against your pubic bone, making small circles with her hips. This maintains constant pressure on her clitoris, which is how she'll orgasm. If you do lose control and your erection, it's likely she'll notice immediately anyway if she's doing this.
Be the best she's ever had:
- Learn how to satisfy her without using your penis: educate yourself about the female sexual response system by investing in some good, general sex books.
- Accept that most women orgasm through clitoral rather than vaginal simulation. Even less reason to be so anxious about maintaining an erection.
- Be great at oral sex - it's by far the surest way to make a woman orgasm.
- Make friends with her vibrator and take it to bed with you. It takes the pressure off completely. Remember most women don't insert vibrators but use them on the outside to stimulate the clitoris, so you have nothing to feel threatened by.
- Download my free Edge Stamina app to train yourself to last longer. It means doing your homework but it really does work - and let's face it, it's a pretty fun kind of homework!