The Beginner's Guide to Sexting
‘Sexting’ - sending a lover or potential lover a titillating text - is a brilliant way to keep sex fresh and electrifying. Which is why nearly half of all Brits send sex texts to their partners - and one in nine does so daily, according to one study.
Spontaneity disappears over time in most long-term relationships and anticipation is an excellent replacement.
Sexting about past encounters or texting what you intend to do to your partner when you get home encourages what therapists call ‘simmering’.
Simmering means arousing your partner in situations where sex is impossible. It sets off an erotic connection that keeps you both ‘on the boil’ sexually, making for hotter, more erotic encounters when you finally get to see each other.
Would you like to try it but are not sure what to say? Here’s some helpful ‘how-tos' - and some rules to prevent your sexts from backfiring horribly.
To initiate a sext to someone you're having sex with: Send a text saying 'I keep thinking about us last night. It was so hot! I have an image of you that refuses to go away and it's making me feel so horny.'
Make sure it's something they have to respond to. The obvious answer to the above text is 'What am I doing in the image?' And off you go.
If you haven't had sex yet: Use the same process but softened: 'I loved kissing you last night. You're such a good kisser! I can't wait to feel your mouth on other parts...' Bear in mind that lots of people advise not to send sexts until you've become sexual with someone, so if you want to play it on the safe side, hold off altogether.
You don't have to use swear words to sound sexy. Though if you're quite nicely spoken, throwing in the odd 'I want to f**k you senseless' will certainly get them going!
Sexts are great for teasing. 'You won't believe what I'm going to do to you tonight when you walk in the front door,' is often more tempting than spelling it out.
Don't make sex promises you don't want to keep. Or make it abundantly clear it's just dirty talk rather than a promise of what's to come.
Men: bin the penis pics. These are more likely to make her laugh than arouse her. Sorry, but it's true! If you really want to turn her on, take a pic of the 'V' on your hips that leads down to the goodies. (Visualise Beiber's and you'll know what I mean!) Far sexier, still as likely to be shared with all her girlfriends (but this time in a good way).
Don't show your face. Ensure you're not recognisable if you have the slightest concerns about them sharing. Just cut your head off or photograph each body part separately so you are pretty much unidentifiable. Course, this doesn't work if you have tattoos or other distinguishing features, so be warned.
Play it Safe
Remember you can screenshot Snapchat. The image fades after a few seconds but if they quickly screenshot it, it's around forever. While Snapchat does notify the sender if their message has been screenshot, there are loopholes to circumvent this. The upshot is, don't Snapchat anyone you don't trust.
Doing the whole 'trade' thing doesn't work fairly for females. Generally speaking, if you show naked pics of him to your mates he won't be too concerned. You, probably not so much. I wouldn't sext anything you don't want shown to his friends. Even the nicest guys have succumbed to showing off hot pictures sent to them. Keep it erotic rather than pornographic, and remember a hint of something can be far sexier than showing everything.
48 per cent of 13-17-year-old British girls have sent a pornographic photo of themselves (Bristol University study). If you're under 18 and about to press send, ask yourself this: 'Would I be happy if everyone in my class saw this?' That's the risk you're taking.
If you catch your son or daughter sexting, have an honest chat about it and give them a mental list to go through before they send a sexy pic.
Hold off on initiating sexting. At least until you've sussed out how adventurous they are sexually. Some people love sexting, others will be shocked (though if you're under 25, the chances of this lower dramatically!). Start with a saucy written text and see what the response is, before sending sexy selfies.
Don't drink and type. If you're really drunk, only sext if it's to your long-term partner who quite enjoys them.
Think long and hard before you sext someone you don't know very well. The pro of sexting - you can send on the spur of the moment when feeling particularly lusty - is also the downside. Lust is a powerful emotion when we're in the grips of it. When it wears off, what seems sexy at the time can feel either silly (best scenario), sleazy, or perfect blackmail material (worst).
Wrong John. Check the recipient of any text that's remotely sexual at least three times before hitting send.
Do a 'mood check'. What seems fun and sexy at 3am when you're drunk and feeling naughty might not be well received by a partner who is sober and innocently tucked up in bed.
For more quick tips to ignite your lover's libido, check out Sex Advice: Simple Ways to Spice up your Sex Life from the archives. For more suggestions for adding interest to foreplay, look out for How to Give a Sexy Massage, out at the start of December.