• The Ups and Downs of a 69er

    Supersex Glass Dildos

    Because you're giving and receiving pleasure simultaneously, some claim a 69er is the ultimate erotic sensation.

    Others find it's the ultimate in frustration because it's all too easy to get lazy on your end!

    If your partner's working their magic and you're about to climax, most of us have a tendency to forget about their pleasure and instead try to get away with a few lacklustre licks.

    It's for this reason that lots of couples have 69ers in the can't-get-enough honeymoon stage then decide it's all too difficult later on.

    Big mistake!

    Sixty-niners are a great way to add naughtiness and variety to a stale sex life and with a few simple adjustments, are easy to master.

    Here, the ups and downs of head-to-toe sex - and how to make your 69 even better!

    The ups

    • Sticking your genitals so blatantly in your partner's face is, well, quite rude really. Which is why it feels so liberating when we do it. Women are quite often bashful about showing their bits, so lowering yourself on top of your partner and realising they're copping a (literal) eyeful can be a huge turn on for both of you.
    • Because a 69er exposes the whole area, giving your partner access to the whole of the vulva, the perineum (the hairless bit between the anus and vaginal opening) and your anus, they're able to stimulate much more than just your clitoral area.
    • While 'receiving oral sex' tops many people's list of enjoyable activities, it does involve one partner missing out on pleasure. Sixty-niners neatly solve this conundrum by allowing both lovers to benefit from delicious simultaneous stimulation.

    The downs

    • How do I put this delicately? If ever there was a time you wished you hadn't rushed out the door and skipped that shower, this is it. It can be slightly alarming remembering this just as you're lowering yourself right next to their nose.
    • Some men consider a 69er so erotic, they ejaculate too quickly. Like, a literal two licks in. This is why, if you're a straight couple, it's advisable for him to start working on her, way before she starts on him.
    • Giving and receiving pleasure simultaneously is fabulous but it has a massive downside: you need to pay attention – which means you can't lose yourself in the moment. This is usually more of a problem for women than men. Orgasm for men is (generally) easy - simply having a mouth hovering near his penis can sometimes be enough to send him over the edge. Women, complicated creatures which we are, usually require a specific, constant, don't-alter-anything-just-keep-doing-it-or-I'll-kill-you type of stimulation to climax. And if he's in the throes of orgasm, or approaching it, he's unlikely to be paying careful attention to the critically timed laps of your labia.
    • If he does manage to keep going his end and the woman is the one transported into orgasmic bliss, it can be all too easy for her to get carried away and forget her mouth is wrapped around some very vulnerable flesh. Some people involuntarily clench their jaw during orgasm. (Never seen a grown man cry? Here's your chance.)
    • If you're a woman and assume the traditional position (you're on top of him), you're actually the wrong way around for his tongue to work on the most sensitive surface of the glans. Depending on how long, wide and dexterous his tongue is, this can mean it doesn't feel as good as 'usual' oral sex.

    Top tips

    Use your hands as well: It's too awkward and tiring to attempt to only use your mouth to stimulate. And don't be scared to remove your mouth and work on them with your hands to give yourself a break.

    Take turns: One way to solve the problem of forgetting to work on your partner because you're enjoying yourself too much, is to assume the 69er position (for the turn on) but relax while they give you an orgasm, then reciprocate when you're done.

    Head support: Putting a pillow under the person's head (who is lying flat) will prevent them getting a stiff neck from having to lift their head to make contact.

    Thigh rest: Try lying head-to-tail on your sides, each with the under thigh drawn up as a cushion for each other's head. If you're a woman who likes being opened up wide, get him to slip his arm in the crook of your upper knee.

    Stagger the start times: If it nearly always takes you longer to orgasm than him, get him to start working on you first while you lie back and relax. Start using your hands on him as you feel yourself becoming more aroused and only fellate him when you know you're approaching orgasm.

    Try 'the cascade' position: This is a 69er standing up which gives you the unique sensation of an orgasm head downward. To get you there, your partner lays you face up across the bed, with your head over the edge, stands astride your face, then bends over and picks you up, putting your legs around their neck.

    Other good oral sex positions to try

    Giving oral sex to him

    • He stands, you sit facing him on the side of the bed (or an appropriate-height piece of furniture). It's more comfortable for both of you and it leaves your hands free to stimulate his penis, nipples, testicles, perineum etc, without them getting cramped. It also gives you control over how deeply he thrusts into your mouth. Some men say their legs go wobbly on orgasm but most can survive if they collapse on the bed immediately afterwards!
    • He stands, you kneel in front of him. It's more comfortable for you than lying down beside him and it's hugely appealing for him because you're in the classic 'submissive' pose.

    Giving oral sex to her

    • Her on top: Instead of you lying back and your partner lying between your legs, they lie back on the bed and get you to climb on top of them, facing the bedhead. You put your hands against the wall behind the bed to steady yourself, then lower yourself onto their mouth and tongue. This gives you complete control over the pressure: you can lift away from their mouth if it's too rough, move closer if you want it harder. Their neck's not cramped and it stops their tongue getting as tired.
    • Through the roof: You lie back on the bed. They kneel between your legs then lift them up so they're resting on their shoulders. They're in a kneeling position, you're lifted in the air but your shoulders are still on the bed. You use your hands to support yourself, plus they're supporting you by holding your legs. This feels fantastic and they get the added turn-on of seeing exactly what's going on.

    Become an oral sex guru with Sex Advice: 6 Tips for Giving Her Sensational Oral Sex. Or if you're not really a fan but want to appreciate it, check out Tracey's advice from the archives.

    Add a comment
    1. Yes, please! Email me when there are more comments after mine
    2. We need to ask you a question to prove you're a human because evil spam computers keep abusing our form!

    Ask Tracey Cox a sex or relationship question