Can He Solve Her Sex Dilemmas? Sex SOS Part 2
You can't expect you and your partner's sex drives to always be revved up at a mattress-scorching 100%, and it follows that you can't expect to always be sexually in tune.
However, that doesn't mean you have to rest on your laurels and watch your sex life fade into dust. If you think a short-term libido dip is turning into a long-term issue, or if you're looking to please her and don't know where you're going wrong, you've come to the right place!
The second part of the 'SOS' series, this time we're focusing on fix-it's for him to solve her sex dilemmas.
What to do when…
She doesn't like intercourse
Despite intercourse being one of the least effective ways to make her orgasm, most women still thoroughly enjoy a good rogering - if it's done well. Penetrate too quickly and launch into 'the jackhammer' and given the choice between shagging you or filling in her tax return, she's going to get out the calculator every time.
So first up, slow it down. Up the amount of foreplay beforehand and use lube if she's not wet enough. Experiment with different speeds, depths, angles and rhythms of thrusting. Keep your pelvises close, put your hands on her bottom cheeks and hold her close as you can, grinding in a circular fashion. Keep your eyes open to stay connected to her, kiss her mouth and her neck.
Offer clitoral stimulation of some sort - either use your fingers or buy a supersex pleasure wand vibe and hold it on her clitoris while you're inside her. Don't go on forever but learn how to control yourself a little. Most women are happy with anything from five to 10 minutes of intercourse.
She doesn't like you going down on her
A lot of the time it's because she's worried how she looks or tastes. You're getting a better view than she'll ever have unless she's held a hand mirror to see what's down there. Female genitals get a bad rap - if they're not 'fishy', they're mushy and obviously smell because otherwise why would we need so many 'feminine hygiene' products? Is it any wonder lots of women are paranoid?
The first thing to do is to let her know how pretty she looks down there and how much it turns you on looking at her. Let her shower first if she's worried and make a big deal of telling her how much you like the way she tastes. Try putting a finger inside her and bringing it up to her nose and mouth, letting her smell and taste herself. This can work a treat to allay some women's fears, others freak out (I'll let you be the judge of how your girlfriend is likely to react).
Compliments and reassurance should eventually do the trick to solve look or taste worries. If she's still reluctant after that it's likely to be because she's been brought up to believe genitals are 'dirty' (strict parents or a religious background?) or perhaps she's had a bad experience in the past. Get her to try to open up but if she won't talk to you, suggest she reads some books for reassurance (there are lots on Amazon) or visits a therapist for one or two sessions.
Finally, what's your technique like? If you're too rough, she might be avoiding it for that reason.
She hates your hand-jobs
As a general rule, if she pulls away from your hand you're being too rough, if she pushes against it, you're being too gentle. If I had to place a bet though, I'd say the mistake you're making is the first one. The general consensus of what feels good for most women is to keep it gentle, soft, wet and consistent. Next time, start by stroking her outer lips and letting them open naturally, then slowly slide a (wet or pre-lubed) finger between the lips of the inner labia.
Don't hone in on the clitoris specifically until she's fully aroused, then try circling it with a fingertip before continuing with the sliding motion between the inner lips. Dip inside her vagina occasionally to keep things wet - also because penetration does feel good. Remember, the head is just the tip of the clitoris, stimulate the rest of it that's hidden below the surface using pressure and firm massage. As with oral sex, never change what you're doing once she's close to climaxing, though you might like to up the speed and pressure a little.