• The 5 questions most men have about sex

    The 5 questions most men have about sex

    Does penis size matter? 

    Statistics vary wildly but the average length of an erect penis is around 5.1 inches, the average girth when erect is 4.8 inches and the average length when flaccid (not erect) is 3.5 inches.


    It's true than some men are 'show-ers' (their penises look big flaccid but don't grow that much when erect) or 'growers' (they look small when not erect but grow a lot when they are).

    Men are far more obsessed with the size of their penis than women are: in most surveys and research, women don't even rank it in the top five ideal attributes for a mate.

    Eighty per cent of women climax through stimulation of the clitoris which is outside the vagina. So an erect penis isn't necessary - and is in fact, highly ineffective - at making women orgasm. A talented hand, tongue or vibrator is far more successful.

    Having said that, most women also enjoy penetration so a penis that's an average size is appreciated (though a glass dildo works just as well, if you aren't blessed).

    Men focus on the length of the penis but it's the width that is actually more important.

    The reason why is that most of the nerve endings of the vagina are concentrated in the first inch of the vaginal canal.

    The thicker the penis, the more likely it is to make contact with all those nerve endings.

    The vaginal canal also balloons when aroused and gets bigger the further you penetrate, so that extra inch which is so important to you, may not even be felt by her.

    Big penises can be painful: if her cervix is easily hit, that groan when she sees how large you are maybe more a groan of dread than desire.

    My gay male friends tell me penis size is more significant for them than for straight men.

    But the bottom line is people don't fall in lust or love with people's parts. They fall for or are attracted to the person attached to them.

    The only time when the size of your penis becomes a problem is when the owner obsesses about it.

    Relax and accept what you've been given and you'll generally find your partner will too.

    How can I last longer in bed?

    Premature Ejaculation (PE) means you ejaculate before you or your partner are ready.

    There is no absolute answer as to who officially qualifies as having PE because there's no set amount of time that you are supposed to last.

    The average man lasts around 2-3 minutes during intercourse before ejaculating - which is hugely reassuring information for most of you.

    Most men think women want intercourse to last for up to an hour. They don't.

    The ideal length of time for most women is between 5 and 13 minutes. (Stats for gay men - surprise, surprise - aren't readily available.)

    So don't believe what you see in porn - porn sex isn't real sex.

    Don't fall for other myths either. Truth is, lasting longer won't help give most women an orgasm.

    As I said earlier, almost all women climax through clitoral stimulation and fingers, your tongue or a vibrator are far more efficient at doing that than your penis.

    So what if you finish too fast? Simply give her an orgasm via one of those means either after or before penetration and everyone is happy.

    Same goes if you're gay: a practised hand-job or great oral sex is just as satisfying as penetrative sex.

    How do I talk her into having anal sex?

    This is a bit like the 'Can we have a threesome?' conversation: men continually asking for anal sex can get a bit tiresome for women.

    We get why you want to do it: anal sex is taboo, the anus is tighter than a vagina and it's heavily featured in porn so you've probably masturbated over it dozens of times.

    It's also a lot more mainstream than it ever was. So you won't have to do much convincing for lots of women because some really enjoy anal sex.

    But others have had awful experiences of men pretending they 'accidentally' put it in the wrong hole and it's been so painful, they're put off for life.

    The best way to approach the topic isn't to suggest anal sex but anal play. Anal play includes stimulating the outside of the anus, with your finger or a tongue or vibrator and working up to putting fingers/tongues/toys inside the rectum.

    Try tentatively touching the outside of her anus during oral sex or foreplay and see how she responds.

    If she seems to like it, ask her if she'd like to try more anal play and progress onto rimming or using anal toys like butt plugs.

    If she enjoys anal play, she'll be a lot more open to exploring anal intercourse.

    (For a step by step guide to doing it, if you do get lucky, check out my beginner's guide.)

    How do I get her to be more adventurous in bed?

    If your partner is quite 'vanilla' and conservative in bed, you need to take baby steps rather than suggest something way out there.

    First up, reassure her that by asking for something new, you're not saying you're bored with the sex you're having - or bored with her.

    Tell her you simply want to try a few new things so your sex life continues to stay fresh and exciting for both of you.

    Then think of something she's likely to go for - maybe play a sexy card game or do it in another place or room - and suggest that.

    Next time, suggest another non-threatening activity then continue to gently guide her down the path towards more interesting, adventurous sex through a series of small steps.

    Give her lots of positive feedback so she knows how much you're turning her on and as her confidence grows, so will her appetite for more raunchy encounters.

    How do I get her to have sex more often?

    The better the sex, the more she is likely to want it.

    If sex is tailored to satisfy your needs rather than hers - it's based around intercourse and penetration and stops after you've had your orgasm - why would she want to do it more often?

    Sex that involves lots of imaginative role-play and effective, experienced oral and hand-job techniques is far more likely to have her initiating rather than avoiding.

    So brush up on technique and make sure she actually enjoys the sex you are having.

    Also make sure your relationship is in good shape: pay her lots of attention and be affectionate outside the bedroom as well as in it.

    Don't nag her for sex: it will make her even less turned on, not more so.

    It sounds distinctly unsexy, but sitting down and working out when sex works best for both of you (as in best times/days) and coming to an agreement for how often (if you both have mismatched libidos compromise on a number somewhere in the middle per fortnight) can work well.

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    Comments (1)

    • David Pierotte: November 08, 2016 06:55
      as im getting older im finding that im needing a little help to get hard enough, so im trying different aids cialis, monthly testosterone injections, viagra, ect. I don't like the feeling I get with some of them headaches flush, is there something that works best than others? Also im not telling her what im taking , she will automatically feel that its her that is causing it. so its tough to try and time ahead so im rready to go if and when she is. and if im going to get her into it when I am wanting it which is most of the time!! Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated! !
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