Giving great oral is part attitude, part technique and a whole lot about enthusiasm. These are my top 10 tips for a magical combination of all three.
1. It's a treat not a chore. Act like giving him a BJ is a huge favour and something you're dreading doing, and no matter how skilful your tongue techniques, it's not going to work.
2. It's what you do before the BJ that counts. The more foreplay and teasing he's had, the more sensitive he'll be. Just as you hate him diving straight for the clitoris, he hates you pouncing immediately on his penis. Kiss and stroke everywhere, glide up the inside of his thighs, pay attention to the area of his tummy his erect penis sits on, and bite his neck and his lips.
3. Pick your position. Being able to watch is all part of the male fixation on fellatio: men are erotic visualists. Kneel in front of him and hold eye contact during oral. The worst position of all is the one most women go for: lying beside him on the bed. He can't see anything, it's awkward and you can't use both hands.
This is the third in my anal sex series, so if you haven’t read the previous two blogs, I’d strongly recommend reading both Part 1: Anatomy, Prep and Protection, and Part 2: Fingering and Rimming beforehand to make sure you’re fully prepared.
Anal penetration isn’t one of those ‘I know, let’s try this today!’ type of sex acts! It’s something you need to have really thought about and ‘trained’ for. So don’t attempt this until you’ve done your homework.
This guide can be used to penetrate with both a real penis or the strap-on variety.
The 6 Secrets to Successful Anal Intercourse
- Be safe. Use lots of good-quality anal lube, use good-quality condoms or both get tested for STIs.
- Don't double dip. Never go straight from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse without washing thoroughly first. It transfers all sorts of things into the wrong places.
It sticks to itself, won’t rip off hair or skin, is simple to use, comfy to wear and a hell of a lot less intimidating than metal handcuffs or rope. Best of all - it’s not only cheap, you can re-use it!
That's why we love bondage tape - for its brilliant versatility!
Try a Tie-up and Tease Game
You don’t need any knot-tying skills to use bondage tape so you can tie your partner up quickly and easily - just make sure you don’t wrap it too tightly. The aim is to tie them up comfortably, not cut off their circulation.
To tie wrists together:
- Decide if you want their hands tied in front of them, behind their back or held high above their head.
- Wrap the tape around one wrist first, going completely around it, then wrap both wrists together. The insides of the wrists should face each other.
Kegel exercises aren’t just a brilliant way to keep your pelvic floor muscles in peak condition, nothing works better to repair and strengthen the vagina and pelvic floor during pregnancy and after the trauma of birth. Kegels are easy, effective and guaranteed to reduce the negative effects of childbirth.
When to do kegels
Ideally, you’d start doing pelvic floor exercises immediately after you find out you’re pregnant (if you aren’t already doing them for general pelvic health) and continue after the birth for at least a few years.
Do them regularly and properly and they could mean reduced pushing time during labour - the stronger your muscles are, the better able you are to help speed the birth.
Both pregnancy and childbirth can stretch and weaken the pelvic floor causing urinary incontinence (peeing when you don’t want to) or uterine prolapse, neither of which are on anyone’s ‘Yes please!’ list.
Hearts and flowers have their place in relationships, but sometimes nothing compares to that animalistic, spur-of-the-moment satisfaction that comes from an off-the-hoof encounter. Spontaneous playtimes can make for some of the most exciting and passionate sessions, as you neatly sidestep your 'standard' sexual routine by beginning fully clothed or improvising positions in a new room.
What do you do when you’re both desperate to rip each other’s gear off and get down to it? Skip the foreplay (just this once) and get yourself into one of these hot sex positions.
Part one in this series talked about how to prepare for anal sex. This blog takes a look at techniques for inserting fingers or tongues (rimming). For simplicity's sake, I've written this from the perspective of the person who's doing it to someone else. I talked about the importance of using a good-quality lube in Part 1, so do make sure you have some handy!
USING YOUR FINGERS
This is often most people's first experience of anal play and it's a useful place to start because you can feel what you're doing.
Some basics before you go there: clean hands and trimmed nails are a must. Remove all rings. Also consider wearing some gloves (latex or non-latex). It not only protects both of you from STIs but some people quite enjoy indulging the 'naughty doctor or gynaecologist' fantasy!
Men arouse quickly, so he'll respond well to spontaneous sex surprises. Treat him to at least one of these a week and he'll be anything but putty in your hands!
WAYS TO GET HIM HARD
Feel him up in public. Choose a restaurant that has long tablecloths, unzip him and give him a discreet but delicious mini-hand-job (minus the happy ending, obviously.)
Snog him sexily in front of his friends. It makes him look and feel like a rock god for his friends to see how much you want him.
Let him see you. He’s a natural voyeur so choose positions where he can see your breasts bouncing up and down, or let him open your legs wide to see your vulva before giving you oral.
Put your fingers inside yourself. Do this while he’s watching or let him insert a vibrator, a dildo or some love eggs. Men like seeing things disappear inside – and not just his penis.
Latex and sex go together as naturally as bacon and eggs. It’s inexpensive and can take a so-so sex life to scorching hot in seconds!
Why do people love latex so much? Where do I start?
First up, it’s shiny and second-skin tight. So tight, people often look ‘naked’ in it, so anyone with an exhibitionistic streak is an instant fan.
Shiny, tight clothes are also often worn by sex workers, so latex is associated with being (deliciously) slutty.
It’s restrictive – which makes it perfect for B & D role-play and fantasies. That's one reason why it’s a huge hit with fans of Dominant/submissive sex.
Some people find the smell of it a turn on and because it’s smooth and shiny, latex lends itself nicely to various role play costumes, taking standard outfits like ‘policewoman’ or ‘French maid’ to a whole different level.
Once oral sex and intercourse elbow their way into the bedroom, hand-jobs tend to get tossed into the 'last resort' basket. But if the only time you wrap your hands around his penis is during oral sex, he’s losing out!
Another reason hand-jobs often find themselves sitting on the bench is that most people (and this includes the men themselves) will just use one tired technique every single time. If you stuck to missionary sex night after night you'd consider yourself in a rut, but when it comes to hand-jobs, for some reason most people are happy to remain unadventurous. However, hand-jobs have untapped potential for giving pleasure, and with the right tips and tricks might just become your man's new favourite treat!
These six techniques (which originally appeared in my Kama Sutra book) got rave reviews. They say you can never give a man a hand-job better than he can give himself. Grab some water-based lubricant, give these a whirl and prove him wrong!
Yes, your daily ‘to do’ list is already a mile long. But seriously, adding kegel exercises to your routine is one of the best things you can do for your sex life. Even better, you can do the exercises any time, anywhere because no one can tell what’s happening inside your body.
The benefits of strong kegels:
- They prevent incontinence.
- They’re brilliant to get back muscle tone post pregnancy.
- They increase sensitivity so you’re more aroused during foreplay.
- They increase vaginal lubrication.
- A strong, fit vagina is tighter so grips his penis harder, making sex much more pleasurable for him.
- The fitter your pelvic floor muscles, the stronger your orgasm and the better sex feels for you.
Here's the best news of all: they take about 10 minutes a day (max!) and they're simple to do. Men can also do kegel exercises, by the way, to enjoy stronger orgasms, better control and erections. So let's get started.