Let's start by making something very clear: the guy you're sleeping with actually isn't a machine. This means he won't always get an erection when he wants to.
It doesn't mean, contrary to what you might believe, that he: a) doesn't fancy you b) fancies someone else c) thinks you have a big arse or d) has gone off you.
If he's under 40:
Not getting hard nearly always means he's drunk too much, he's stressed about work, his erection was wobbly last time you had sex and it's freaked him out, or this is the first time he's had sex with you and he's petrified he won't be any good and he'll embarrass himself. See, not a mention of cellulite anywhere to be seen!
If he's over 40:
It simply means his penis is ageing, along with the rest of him, and he requires more intense stimulation to get an erection or perhaps an assessment to see if he could benefit from Viagra or another Sildenafil.
Sex all a bit of yawn, but honestly can't be bothered to do anything about it? Try these three lazy ways to get the spark back.
The quickest, most effective way to make it feel like you're sleeping with someone new, is to do it... in your imagination while you're having sex with your much-loved, but not new, partner.
Run through a tape in your head of what might happen (and don't feel guilty - 85% of people in long-term relationships do it!). If you're looking for inspiration, try reading a good erotic book.
Add a new element
At the start, couples try new things all the time but sex quickly moves from 'innovative' to 'maintenance' sex once you're two years in.
Not to sound like we don't like doing it (loads of women love the heady power of giving a hell of a hand job) BUT having to do it for what seems like hours on end isn't so much fun.
Hand cramps and boredom fuel frustration and resentment rather than lust and passion - which is why it's good to know how to speed things up if things are heading in that direction. Here are my top tips:
Don't do it when he's drunk
Alcohol desensitizes all the nerve endings. (The reason why you wake up after a big night to find your vibrator on the maximum setting and television ear-blastingly loud).
A morning hand job (assuming he didn't have a big one the night before) is almost guaranteed to take half as long as one delivered at 2am after a night out with the lads.
Over the years, we've pretty much run through the alphabet with discoveries of sexual hot spots. The trouble is, those complicated-sounding A-spots (anterior fornix erogenous) and P-spots (periurethral glands) turned out to be... Well, a bit of a fuss about nothing, or so hard to find that most of us gave up.
But there are 3, easy-to-locate erogenous zones on women that consistently result in regular orgasm - and it's worth exploring all 3, since they each produce different sensations.
'U' refers to the urethra, the tube that carries urine. The tiny hole is the entrance and it's usually midway between the vaginal opening and clitoris. Look for a small patch of sensitive erectile tissue just above and on either side of it.
Been to the gym? Squeezed yourself into your skinny jeans, hair done, makeup fabulous, teeth white and looking edible? Make sure the rest of you also makes the grade.
Follow my top tips to make sure your vagina stays in tip-top shape!
- Change tampons frequently.
- To always smell sweet, avoid garlic, tight clothing, synthetic knickers and wearing tights too frequently.
- Wipe front to back after you've been to the loo.
- Rinse thoroughly after washing.
- Ideally, wash with a soap-free liquid (available in most chemists).
- Pee before and after sex to flush out bacteria.
- Don't even think about using vaginal deodorant.
The strength, firmness and frequency of your erections tend to mirror the rest of your life. They are a reflection of your health, lifestyle, emotions and relationship. The better all that is, the better your erections will be.
Make sure your penis is performing at its best by following my top tips:
- Be realistic. Age affects erections. You're not going to be as hard or have as many erections at 40 as you will at 18. Don't stress about it.
- Lead a healthy lifestyle and exercise. The better your general health, the less likely you are to need medication - a common cause of erection problems.
- Avoid stress - a calm penis is a happy one. Overworked, over-exhausted penises (not surprisingly) have trouble rising to the occasion.
- Use lube during marathon intercourse sessions to avoid irritating the skin.
I'm 25 and only lost my virginity a year ago to a one night stand. Since then, I've had a number of other one nighters to try to get more experience. I've met a really nice guy and we've been dating for a month but we haven't had sex yet. I keep putting it off because I don't want to do anything wrong and put him off. What should I do now?
I'm 32 and I have no desire to settle down just yet. I've had a series of one night stands that have ended with me being shouted at by the women I've had sex with - they accuse me of giving out mixed messages. I want to continue having no-strings sex but want to know how to do it so no-one gets hurt - or angry - afterwards. If I want a one night stand, should I say so up front? If I do, won't she run away? I know I don't sound like a nice guy, but I am!
The government's push for an opt in (rather than opt out) internet porn filter scheme means many couples will be forced to have a conversation about porn. Not sure how to broach it with your partner? Here's the answers to some common questions that hopefully will help!
Men complain that women give rubbish hand-jobs, women complain he's way too rough. Confused as to what she really wants? Here's the top five hand-jobs consistently voted the most popular by her: