I’ve just answered a question for my Closer column from a woman with a history of choosing not-so-great men, wanting a checklist on what to look for in the next guy to increase her chances of a successful relationship. Course, if I could come up with an absolute no-fail ‘spot the guy who’s not a loser’ checklist, I could close my laptop and be forever sitting by a pool, book in hand and perfect man by my side peeling me grapes. There are always exceptions - but I did take a fairly good stab at it and stand firmly by the results even though I’m sure I’ll get a good lashing by the boys. (Don’t worry - I’ll do one for you next week!)
My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of him. I’m quite a shy person and have never done anything like this before. He wants me to masturbate in front of him because he said it 'turns him on' but I don’t know how to do it without feeling embarrassed. What should I do?
In today’s politically correct climate, suggesting you have ‘duty shags’ – have sex purely because your partner fancies it now and then – is guaranteed to offend. When I first suggested this in my book Supersex for Life, I got more than a few sniffy remarks - and the odd ‘How dare you!.’ But I still stand by it. And hell, someone’s got to say it regardless or we’re all going to end up divorced, celibate or so desperate the old man next door in the button-down cardi looks hot.
So here it is: if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, I think you should accept that you will have to have sex when you don’t feel like it sometimes. Maybe more than sometimes...
My new girlfriend is way more experienced than me with sex. She’s had threesomes, slept with a girl - the lot. I’ve only done normal stuff so I lied a bit so she wouldn’t think I was boring. I told her I’d been a swinger and had gone to an orgy and she seemed impressed. She asked lots of questions and so I just made up the answers and we had great sex afterward. Later she asked me what else I’d done, so I started making up other stuff.
Each story I tell turns her on. She says she finds it hot hearing about my ‘adventures’ but none of it is true! It was a bit of a laugh to begin with but now I really like her. Do I tell her it’s all a lie or keep going with it all? I worry she’ll go off me if she thinks I haven’t done much with sex.
Oh for God’s sake! I’m writing my Closer Magazine column for the week and answering a question about age-gap relationships.
The person wants to know if I honestly think age-gap relationships work - she’s contemplating seeing a guy who’s 17-years older/younger (she doesn’t say which). “Is there any hope of it working out?” she asks...
I’ve recently started a relationship with a woman who is younger than myself, she's 23, I'm 37. My partner is shaved, which I enjoy, however, it wasn't something I requested, she's always shaved. We've started watching the odd porn film together, and she commented how she would like me to shave also, like the porn guys, which is totally bald, sack ‘n’ crack, the whole lot. I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea myself and have so far resisted. My partner, in protest has stopped shaving. As she was already shaved when we first met I think she is being unreasonable, tensions have resulted from the whole situation. Any advice would be appreciated.
Today is Valentine’s Day - otherwise known as National Single Awareness Day. Just the right time to remind any singles out there (I’m one this year!) that while being single might suck (just a little) on Valentine’s Day, it’s not all bad!
It’s four days to Valentine’s Day and if you’re like most couples I know, the emphasis for February 14th will be on doing something ‘romantic’. Go for it - but when you’re done with the flowers and bubbles and three-course dinner, sign up for my 10-day sex challenge to make sure you keep sex as well as love alive!
1. Rushing into it.
A few pathetic fumbles to check if she’s wet does not make her ready for you to plunge on in.
Unless you’re both fired up for a quickie, keep that penis away until you’ve paid some lip service and at least inserted some fingers to check she’s lubricated and ready for you...
Dare to do the clichés: Like chocolate body paint poured on and licked off. The reason why they’re clichés is because they’re often what people want to do, but are too scared to.
Start a ‘sex jar’: Each write down 10 things you’d like to try. Rip into separate points, fold and put all of them into a jar. Pick out one a week to try. (Insist on pre-approval if you think ‘lure the hot 18-year-old next door in for a threesome’ will simply be repeated by your partner.)