- Try dismissing it. Most erotic adventures we play in our heads are harmless and make for great masturbation fantasies. Are you worrying unnecessarily?
- If you feel it’s reached an unhealthy level of frequency or making you feel uncomfortable around the person you’re fantasizing about, give your fantasy a negative ending.
- Continue to replay the fantasy but end it differently each time - always badly: your partner catches you, they say something horrid, their partner finds out.
I’ve tried just about everything to stop myself coming too soon but it’s still happening. I read online that taking things like Prozac or another anti-depressant can help. Is that true? It seems like a strange link to me. Why would these affect how long you last in bed?
A friend of my boyfriend’s claims he can give himself a blow job. Is this even possible?
Early menopause runs in my family and I’m terrified it will have an effect on my sex life.
Try the following tips...
- Cut back on the amount of lube you’re using.
- If his penis is short, switch thrusting styles so he’s not pulling back as far and staying quite close to you.
- Does his erection curve a particular way? Most point up but some stick straight out or point downward or sideways. The vagina tends to curve upwards towards your tummy. Alter the position to suit his erection curve.
How hard is a penis supposed to get? My erection is never rock hard though I have normal orgasms.
Clear the slate. Make sure you understand why your last break-up happened and have closure. Do you have any bad love habits or patterns you need to break? Break-ups are nearly always 50/50. Work out your part in it before going out there and making the same mistakes all over again.
Take it slowly. It’s hard to regain trust after your heart has been broken. Take it slowly and explain to new partners that you’re raw and vulnerable and will need lots of reassurance and time before you’re ready to commit. If they’re not prepared to be patient, move on. Genuine people will understand.
I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my husband and am usually the one who instigates sex. So you can imagine how put out I was when I overheard him boasting to his mates about how he’d gone to a strip club and was ‘crawling the walls’ for sex afterward. I knew about the strip club and it didn’t worry me but he made it sound like he was the one wanting sex and I was the one rejecting him. Why would he lie and how come he fancied those women but not me?
Approach it as a couple problem that’s no-one’s fault: the person who wants sex more isn’t ‘sexier’ or ‘better’. Don't place blame, and instead work together as a team.
Confront the problem
Talk about what’s going on. You can’t shut people up talking about sex at the sexy start of a relationship, but just when you really need to talk - when things aren’t going great - you’re both quieter than a boyfriend fresh from a stag weekend. Ignoring it and not having sex becomes the elephant in the room.
Size is everything. If he loses his erection when he pulls on the condom, it could be because it’s too tight or too big.
If the condom is too tight, it will deaden sensation (try a large condom).
If it’s too big, it slides around meaning no friction for him and no real protection (try a smaller condom).