• Help! She hates my hand jobs

    How do you know if she does or doesn’t enjoy your fingers on her, when women are notorious people-pleasers? Watch her body language...

    • As a general rule, if she pulls away from your hand, you’re being too rough. If she pushes against it, you could be being too gentle. (Men nearly always make the first mistake because we do to others what we like ourselves and men tend to like a firmer touch.)
    • It’s all individual but most women like you to keep it gentle, soft, wet …and consistent. Don’t keep changing techniques. If she seems to like what you’re doing, keep on doing it.


    My partner of three years has slowly but surely gone off sex. At the start, we were both quite daring. We’d have sex in other rooms of the flat and he loved it when I used to pleasure him. But now he doesn’t seem that interested in sex and all the things that used to work (certain underwear, lots of kissing) don’t have an effect any more.

    We’re both still young (early 30s) and I’ve never heard of men going off sex, especially not at our age. Do you think he doesn’t love me anymore or something is physically wrong with him? Now when I try to get him in the mood, he makes excuses of having to work and disappears into his office.


    I'm a 31yr old guy, not very sexually confident, and coming out a sexless marriage (nothing for four years and I’ve only been married two and a half). I can honestly say I've probably only actually had sex maybe 100 times in my lifetime. I know I'm not very confident, and that then impacts on my mental performance. I've never been able to relax and just enjoy sex. I think I spent too much time reading women's magazines before I ever had sex, so I've been conditioned about putting the woman first, to the extend that I can't enjoy it myself. I always feel a bit guilty and that I'm 'using' the girl if I try and concentrate on my pleasure, and then I worry about my own penis size. This has then started to affect my getting and sustaining erections.

    How can I learn to relax and just enjoy sex, and become more confident? I'm about to embark on a relationship with a woman who is confident and experimental, and I want to be able to learn to satisfy us both.

    I'd love to shed my inhibitions and be more dominant too. I'm curious as to what I've hidden below the surface for so long. I feel I've spent so long worrying about the mechanics that I've forgotten that sex can, and should be, fun. I'd appreciate any insights you can give...

    What's sex furniture and what do you use it for?

    He’s six foot six and you’re scraping five, one of you is way heavier than the other… love might conquer all but sex can be a literal pain if your body parts are completely disparate. This is where ‘sex furniture’ comes in - it evens things up.

    Anyone who’s appreciated a well-placed pillow under the hips - for either comfort reasons or to alter sensation - will get the concept of sex furniture. Samantha in Sex and the City introduced us to sex swings but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

    Why Do We Cling On To Sex Myths That Just Aren't True?

    The amount of press the recent G-spot ‘discovery’ generated was mind-bogglingly excessive - anyone would think the guy had found a cure for cancer, for God’s sake.

    For those of you who didn’t notice the dozens of headlines shouting “We’ve found the G-spot!”, a new study claims to have found ‘evidence’ of the elusive pleasure zone in the cadaver of an 83-year-old woman. It’s hailed as ground-breaking research.

    It’s not.


    Even when I’m really in love with someone, I can’t stop looking at other girls or sneaking the odd snog with someone I fancy. It’s not that I don’t care about the person I’m with, I just seem incapable of being faithful. I’m 30. How do I stop doing this?

    Hot Topic: Can I Stick You In The Deep Freeze For A Year Or Two?

    Ah, timing and why it's so important! What do you do if you’ve finally met someone who ticks all the boxes and is totally, utterly, ridiculously perfect but they just aren’t ready to settle down yet? Do you wait? Shrug philosophical shoulders, walk away and put it down to bad timing? Or do what lots of people do and pretend to move on but spend the next year looking over your shoulder expecting them to reappear, stealthily stalking them online and wanting to hang yourself every time you hear Adele’s Someone Like You?


    Is it dangerous to have regular anal sex? I’m with the same partner so I’m not concerned about STDs just physical damage.


    I used to be mad for sex with my girlfriend but haven’t fancied it for five months now. I don’t know why. I still love her and she’s been understanding but I feel really down about it.

    I recently got promoted at work but am not doing very well at that either. I’m working late and more tired and stressed than usual. Sex used to be the one thing that calmed me down and now that’s gone. How can I get back in the mood again?

    Hot Topic: Is She A Bunny Boiler Or The Future Mother Of Your Babies?

    Last week, I blogged about finding Mr Right rather than Mr Time-Waster. This week it’s his turn. This is far from an exhaustive list but these are pertinent points to focus on when you’re looking for a women to share the rest of your life with. Keep your eyes open, particularly in the first month or so, and see what’s there rather than what you want to see.

    Here's a checklist to help you decide:

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