Part one in this series talked about how to prepare for anal sex. This blog takes a look at techniques for inserting fingers or tongues (rimming). For simplicity's sake, I've written this from the perspective of the person who's doing it to someone else. I talked about the importance of using a good-quality lube in Part 1, so do make sure you have some handy!
USING YOUR FINGERS
This is often most people's first experience of anal play and it's a useful place to start because you can feel what you're doing.
Some basics before you go there: clean hands and trimmed nails are a must. Remove all rings. Also consider wearing some gloves (latex or non-latex). It not only protects both of you from STIs but some people quite enjoy indulging the 'naughty doctor or gynaecologist' fantasy!
Men arouse quickly, so he'll respond well to spontaneous sex surprises. Treat him to at least one of these a week and he'll be anything but putty in your hands!
WAYS TO GET HIM HARD
Feel him up in public. Choose a restaurant that has long tablecloths, unzip him and give him a discreet but delicious mini-hand-job (minus the happy ending, obviously.)
Snog him sexily in front of his friends. It makes him look and feel like a rock god for his friends to see how much you want him.
Let him see you. He’s a natural voyeur so choose positions where he can see your breasts bouncing up and down, or let him open your legs wide to see your vulva before giving you oral.
Put your fingers inside yourself. Do this while he’s watching or let him insert a vibrator, a dildo or some love eggs. Men like seeing things disappear inside – and not just his penis.
Latex and sex go together as naturally as bacon and eggs. It’s inexpensive and can take a so-so sex life to scorching hot in seconds!
Why do people love latex so much? Where do I start?
First up, it’s shiny and second-skin tight. So tight, people often look ‘naked’ in it, so anyone with an exhibitionistic streak is an instant fan.
Shiny, tight clothes are also often worn by sex workers, so latex is associated with being (deliciously) slutty.
It’s restrictive – which makes it perfect for B & D role-play and fantasies. That's one reason why it’s a huge hit with fans of Dominant/submissive sex.
Some people find the smell of it a turn on and because it’s smooth and shiny, latex lends itself nicely to various role play costumes, taking standard outfits like ‘policewoman’ or ‘French maid’ to a whole different level.
Once oral sex and intercourse elbow their way into the bedroom, hand-jobs tend to get tossed into the 'last resort' basket. But if the only time you wrap your hands around his penis is during oral sex, he’s losing out!
Another reason hand-jobs often find themselves sitting on the bench is that most people (and this includes the men themselves) will just use one tired technique every single time. If you stuck to missionary sex night after night you'd consider yourself in a rut, but when it comes to hand-jobs, for some reason most people are happy to remain unadventurous. However, hand-jobs have untapped potential for giving pleasure, and with the right tips and tricks might just become your man's new favourite treat!
These six techniques (which originally appeared in my Kama Sutra book) got rave reviews. They say you can never give a man a hand-job better than he can give himself. Grab some water-based lubricant, give these a whirl and prove him wrong!
Yes, your daily ‘to do’ list is already a mile long. But seriously, adding kegel exercises to your routine is one of the best things you can do for your sex life. Even better, you can do the exercises any time, anywhere because no one can tell what’s happening inside your body.
The benefits of strong kegels:
- They prevent incontinence.
- They’re brilliant to get back muscle tone post pregnancy.
- They increase sensitivity so you’re more aroused during foreplay.
- They increase vaginal lubrication.
- A strong, fit vagina is tighter so grips his penis harder, making sex much more pleasurable for him.
- The fitter your pelvic floor muscles, the stronger your orgasm and the better sex feels for you.
Here's the best news of all: they take about 10 minutes a day (max!) and they're simple to do. Men can also do kegel exercises, by the way, to enjoy stronger orgasms, better control and erections. So let's get started.
Part 1 of The Anal Sex Series
FIVE MUST-DO STEPS TO PREPARE FOR ANAL SEX
It seems my blogs about bottoms are highly popular (you saucy little things). So this is part one of a four-part series designed to guide you safely through an enjoyable anal exploration and answer all the questions you’ve ever had about anal sex.
This blog talks about how to prepare for anal sex - BEFORE you even think about actually doing anything. Because, unlike other sorts of sex, there really is a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to do it and it’s not something you barge into (ahem).
Both get tested for STIs and HIV
There’s a higher chance of catching an STI or HIV with anal sex than during other sexual activities (oral, vaginal, fingers etc) because the rectum is delicate and tears easily. Tiny tears allow STIs to easily enter the bloodstream. The way to avoid putting either of you at risk is to be screened for all STIs and HIV.
It’s the unexpected surprises that are the most memorable. Surprise her with any (all) of the following quick-but-effective sex treats and wake up those sleepy libidos!
WAYS TO GET HER WET
Tell her your wickedest, dirtiest thoughts about her. Whisper them close to her ear as you work on her with your hands. Make sure there's no eye contact or pressure to talk dirty back so she can pretend not to like it (don't ask – it's a girl thing), despite the fact that she's suddenly sliding off her seat.
Shave her legs for her. Do this slowly and with meticulous care. She sits or lies on a towel, you sit beside her with a bowl of water, razor and shaving foam. Let your slippery hands glide up and down her thighs, briefly brush but don't linger in between her legs, push her thighs open under the guise of trying to reach a certain bit, leaving her exposed. Lots of looking and caressing but no touching of the naughty bits equals one very excited girl.
‘Pegging’ - women using a fake penis to penetrate their man - is becoming more and more common. And there are plenty of reasons why: it’s a power rush for both of you, and feels pretty good his end. And no, it doesn’t mean he’s secretly gay!
Is it dodgy if he wants me to ‘peg’ him?
As I said, wanting you to penetrate him doesn’t mean he’s gay, secretly longs to be a woman or wants you to be more dominant out of the bedroom. The appeal lies in the novelty factor (you’re inside him instead of vice versa), the fact that it’s ‘forbidden’ and that the prostate gland lies inside the rectum and gives explosive orgasms when that area is simulated.
So lots of reasons, none remotely dodgy, why he’d want to give it a go.
Plus it’s sexy for you as well: the experience of being ‘the boy’ is incredibly erotic, it’s a power rush and you feel naughty and edgy doing it.
My last blog talked about how to get the attitude right, now it’s time to put your mouth into gear. Here’s everything you need to know to talk your partner into a lusty state you never thought possible - cringe-free!
Sexy words to use:
Bite, eat, nibble, scratch, suck, lick, taste, grab, grind, thrust, deep, hard, swallow, ravish, shag, screw, tight, erect, stiff, cum, orgasm, tease, touch, fondle, push, pull, slap, pinch, juicy, hot, soft, throb, horny, wet, hungry, open, need, want, big, aching, greedy, nasty, tasty, gentle, gorgeous…
Good things to say and try:
I love touching you. Do you like it when I do it here/hard/soft/like this/like that? I love licking you. Which way do you like it best - like this or that? Demonstrate by using your tongue on the palm of her hand or sucking one of his fingers. Your bottom is so divine. Do you want me to spank it? Do you want me to put a finger inside you? Can I kiss you here?
It's the one time saying ‘F*** you!’ to your partner could score you a snog rather than a slap. Talking dirty is a fantastic way to shake up a sluggish sex life, but there are many reasons why talking dirty makes us decidedly bashful.
Why you’re nervous
You’re not sure if your partner will like it: You’re actually right to be worried about this one because it’s not gender specific and everyone has a different idea of what’s a turn on and what isn’t. I know lots of women who like really nasty dirty talk - and plenty of men who don’t like either saying it or being on the receiving end.
“It’s demeaning, listening to her talk like a common whore,” one guy told me while I was researching one of my books. Another quiet-as-a-mouse, shy friend lit up like a Christmas tree when she described the freedom of saying the wonderfully trashy stuff you hear in porn.
You can’t always predict how your partner will react and assuming he’ll love trashy talk just because he’s a bloke is a big mistake. So don’t just launch into it. Get them used to the idea by sending texts that start off mild (‘Keep thinking about Sunday morning... can I have a repeat’), then ramp up the raunchiness if that’s well received.