In an ideal world, all the people with high sex drives would go out with correspondingly high sex drive people, and all those with low sex drives would do the same.
Sex would be a lot simpler if we did: studies suggest one in three marriages in Britain and the US struggle with problems associated with mismatched desire.
Why do we insist on pairing up with people who don’t feel the same way about sex that we do?
Well, one reason is relationships and love aren’t based entirely on sex. We fall in love and decide to settle down for lots of reasons, not just sexual compatibility.
The other reason is it’s really hard to tell in the beginning what sort of sex drive your partner has, because in the beginning infatuation hormones push a naturally low sex drive much higher than its true level.
It's only when those hormones wear off that you both get a good idea of what each of your 'resting' libidos are.
Think you’ve got the lot when it comes to sex toys? How about any of these big sellers?
Anal play is now hugely popular with most couples - and these clever devices make it even more enjoyable.
Take your pick, and while you're shopping, don’t forget to pick up some Supersex Anal Lube - a must-use with most anal toys!
1. Butt plugs Butt plugs are the perfect beginner’s anal toy because they’re non-threatening to look at (super-cute actually!) and easy to use. You simply apply lube then insert into the anus and leave it there while you continue having sex. Meanwhile, the little plug works to stimulate the highly sensitive nerve-endings inside your rectum to make orgasms feel more powerful and intense. Lots of women love the ‘filled up’ feeling of having one inserted during intercourse - and they’re great preparation for anal intercourse, getting you used to having something inserted where things normally come out, rather than go in!
Yes, yes, we all know you’re going to give up smoking, drink less, eat less and save more. Now, how about making some New Year's sex resolutions you’ll actually want to keep?
For Her to Promise Him
To accept sex can’t be perfect. I won’t fall for myths and will set real expectations. You’re right - my best friend probably is lying about all the stuff she gets up to!
To stop worrying about my weight. I will believe you when you say I look gloriously sexy, even when I’m having a fat day.
To let you know when I’m feeling like sex and when I’m not. Thing is, I’d cut my arm off for sex at certain times of the month and stick pins in my eyeballs than have it at others. I promise to let you know where I’m at rather than force you to mind-read.
To celebrate the launch of my brilliant new Supersex Massage Oil, a step-by-step guide explaining how to make the most of it seemed the perfect topic for this week’s blog.
If oral sex is his favourite thing, a close second must be getting spoilt by a hot, steamy massage by a (mostly naked) you!
Here’s how to do it!
One word before we get started: Supersex Massage Oil is perfectly safe to use on the genitals because it’s made from natural ingredients but, as with all oil-based products, it’s not compatible with condoms. So, if you’re using other contraception and have both been tested for STIs, feel free to use it on your bits. But if you’re planning on using a condom later, avoid using the oil in that area.
Buying your partner a sexy Christmas present isn’t as simple as it sounds - especially if you’ve only been together a little while.
How do you know if they’ll find the toy you’ve chosen wildly exciting or freaky and a little too out there? Will they be offended? (Is this a hint that I should last longer? Be bigger? Feel tighter?) Or think they’re boring in bed and you’ve bought something to spice things up?
Happily, there is a way to navigate all these hot spots and guarantee you’ll be doing more than watching Elf and Bad Santa once the relatives have finally buggered off!
I’ve said this once and I’ll keep on saying it: when you’re choosing a partner, if you can possibly swing it, try really hard to choose one with the same sexual appetite as you. Because mismatched libidos - one partner wanting sex more than the other - is one of the main sex problems affecting couples today.
Lots of factors dictate whether we’re a high or low libido person: pressure and stress, medications, past history, possible previous sexual traumas, our partner’s lovemaking skills, general health - all play a part. Genes too: if you don’t have terribly many sexual thoughts, feelings or fantasies, chances are your mum and/or dad don’t either.
If your sex drives are unequal, you’re in for a bumpy ride with possible friction and resentment around every corner.
It’s a problem that can ultimately ruin the best relationships - happily though, there’s lots you can do to even up the sexual scales.
Some people love games, others loathe them. But even if you are the type that develops chronic diarrhoea at the mere mention of the word ‘charades’, you might just find something to tickle your fancy here!
The couple who play together, stay together: stop playing and you’ll fall out of love.
It’s a simple, I’ve-heard-this-before formula for sexual happiness but one that works if you actually do it!
Sex games don’t just keep things fresh, they’re a non-threatening, sneaky way to teach your partner new tricks.
Here’s some inventive ideas to get you started.
1. Play cards: Saucy position cards are a brilliantly easy way to keep things fresh because they do the thinking for you. My brand spanking new Supersex Position Deck has 50 positions to solve every sex scenario. Fancy a G-spot orgasm? Want to feel tighter? Want to make him last longer? Choose the sex experience you want, then from one of five positions in the category.
There's something about relaxing in water that makes most of us feel like having sex - probably because we're naked (in the bath or shower) or close to it (on the beach or in a hot tub).
But there's a lot more to having an aquagasm than you think - and plenty of reasons why that hot tub on holiday is the last place you should be having sex!
The Three Musts
Use lots of lube! If you're having sex in either the shower or bath, you will need to add lots of lube and place it high in the vagina so it's not washed away. (Silicone lubes are more water-friendly, but water-based lubes like Supersex lovelube also work well.) Stop the second you feel yourself getting dry and reapply. If not, you'll risk getting 'micro-tears' - tiny cuts on your genitals. Not only do these make you feel sore, they also greatly up your chances of catching an STI or bacteria.
Use protection. Remember you can still catch an STI and get pregnant in water. You can use a condom in water but the pull of the water means there's a much higher risk of it slipping off, so proceed with utmost caution and use back up contraception. If you do use one, put it on and take it off out of the water.
Keep it simple. Water is, well, slippery. This means there's a much higher risk of either or both of you falling in a heap if you're attempting something challenging. This might end up with both of you in a fit of giggles. Or being taken to A&E. Don't chance it!
If you really enjoy sex in the shower or bath, it's worth checking out some accessories like suction handles and footrests.
A signature sex move is your personal sex stamp, something that only you do. If you blindfolded your lover and did it to them, they’d know it was you instantly - and love you for it because your ‘signature’ has to be something utterly mind-blowing.
It might turn out to be a totally original, complex manoeuvre, known only to you and your lovers. (You’ve not only got it trademarked, your exes know if they so much as think of spilling your secret, you’ll send the boys around.)
Or it could something as ingeniously simple as a twirl of the tongue, done with such panache, it defies description.
Need a little help to work out your personal pièce de résistance?
All it takes is a little thought and (perhaps) a lot of practice, and you'll have your own personal sex style down pat.
Here’s a sobering statistic: the majority of women have the majority of their orgasms through oral sex or masturbation.
Depressing, yes, but unless we’re suddenly able to magically relocate the clitoris inside the vagina, we’re stuck with this basic design flaw!
Here’s how to rework all your old favourite positions to give her a fighting chance.
Zap life into the laziest lying position by going head to toe.
This one’s dead simple: He lies on his back. Facing his feet, she straddles his hips and lowers herself onto his erect penis. Then she extends her legs backwards and leans forwards until her feet are next to his head and she’s lying on top of him.
(Just to be clear: She’s facing one way, him another. His feet are near her head, her feet are near his.)