Buying your partner a sexy Christmas present isn’t as simple as it sounds - especially if you’ve only been together a little while.
How do you know if they’ll find the toy you’ve chosen wildly exciting or freaky and a little too out there? Will they be offended? (Is this a hint that I should last longer? Be bigger? Feel tighter?) Or think they’re boring in bed and you’ve bought something to spice things up?
Happily, there is a way to navigate all these hot spots and guarantee you’ll be doing more than watching Elf and Bad Santa once the relatives have finally buggered off!
I’ve said this once and I’ll keep on saying it: when you’re choosing a partner, if you can possibly swing it, try really hard to choose one with the same sexual appetite as you. Because mismatched libidos - one partner wanting sex more than the other - is one of the main sex problems affecting couples today.
Lots of factors dictate whether we’re a high or low libido person: pressure and stress, medications, past history, possible previous sexual traumas, our partner’s lovemaking skills, general health - all play a part. Genes too: if you don’t have terribly many sexual thoughts, feelings or fantasies, chances are your mum and/or dad don’t either.
If your sex drives are unequal, you’re in for a bumpy ride with possible friction and resentment around every corner.
It’s a problem that can ultimately ruin the best relationships - happily though, there’s lots you can do to even up the sexual scales.
Some people love games, others loathe them. But even if you are the type that develops chronic diarrhoea at the mere mention of the word ‘charades’, you might just find something to tickle your fancy here!
The couple who play together, stay together: stop playing and you’ll fall out of love.
It’s a simple, I’ve-heard-this-before formula for sexual happiness but one that works if you actually do it!
Sex games don’t just keep things fresh, they’re a non-threatening, sneaky way to teach your partner new tricks.
Here’s some inventive ideas to get you started.
1. Play cards: Saucy position cards are a brilliantly easy way to keep things fresh because they do the thinking for you. My brand spanking new Supersex Position Deck has 50 positions to solve every sex scenario. Fancy a G-spot orgasm? Want to feel tighter? Want to make him last longer? Choose the sex experience you want, then from one of five positions in the category.
There's something about relaxing in water that makes most of us feel like having sex - probably because we're naked (in the bath or shower) or close to it (on the beach or in a hot tub).
But there's a lot more to having an aquagasm than you think - and plenty of reasons why that hot tub on holiday is the last place you should be having sex!
The Three Musts
Use lots of lube! If you're having sex in either the shower or bath, you will need to add lots of lube and place it high in the vagina so it's not washed away. (Silicone lubes are more water-friendly, but water-based lubes like Supersex lovelube also work well.) Stop the second you feel yourself getting dry and reapply. If not, you'll risk getting 'micro-tears' - tiny cuts on your genitals. Not only do these make you feel sore, they also greatly up your chances of catching an STI or bacteria.
Use protection. Remember you can still catch an STI and get pregnant in water. You can use a condom in water but the pull of the water means there's a much higher risk of it slipping off, so proceed with utmost caution and use back up contraception. If you do use one, put it on and take it off out of the water.
Keep it simple. Water is, well, slippery. This means there's a much higher risk of either or both of you falling in a heap if you're attempting something challenging. This might end up with both of you in a fit of giggles. Or being taken to A&E. Don't chance it!
If you really enjoy sex in the shower or bath, it's worth checking out some accessories like suction handles and footrests.
A signature sex move is your personal sex stamp, something that only you do. If you blindfolded your lover and did it to them, they’d know it was you instantly - and love you for it because your ‘signature’ has to be something utterly mind-blowing.
It might turn out to be a totally original, complex manoeuvre, known only to you and your lovers. (You’ve not only got it trademarked, your exes know if they so much as think of spilling your secret, you’ll send the boys around.)
Or it could something as ingeniously simple as a twirl of the tongue, done with such panache, it defies description.
Need a little help to work out your personal pièce de résistance?
All it takes is a little thought and (perhaps) a lot of practice, and you'll have your own personal sex style down pat.
Here’s a sobering statistic: the majority of women have the majority of their orgasms through oral sex or masturbation.
Depressing, yes, but unless we’re suddenly able to magically relocate the clitoris inside the vagina, we’re stuck with this basic design flaw!
Here’s how to rework all your old favourite positions to give her a fighting chance.
Zap life into the laziest lying position by going head to toe.
This one’s dead simple: He lies on his back. Facing his feet, she straddles his hips and lowers herself onto his erect penis. Then she extends her legs backwards and leans forwards until her feet are next to his head and she’s lying on top of him.
(Just to be clear: She’s facing one way, him another. His feet are near her head, her feet are near his.)
‘Sexting’ - sending a lover or potential lover a titillating text - is a brilliant way to keep sex fresh and electrifying. Which is why nearly half of all Brits send sex texts to their partners - and one in nine does so daily, according to one study.
Spontaneity disappears over time in most long-term relationships and anticipation is an excellent replacement.
Sexting about past encounters or texting what you intend to do to your partner when you get home encourages what therapists call ‘simmering’.
Simmering means arousing your partner in situations where sex is impossible. It sets off an erotic connection that keeps you both ‘on the boil’ sexually, making for hotter, more erotic encounters when you finally get to see each other.
Would you like to try it but are not sure what to say? Here’s some helpful ‘how-tos' - and some rules to prevent your sexts from backfiring horribly.
If it’s a casual hook up, then who really cares - but what about when you’re just about to have sex with someone special, that you hope is going to be around for a while… maybe even forever?
Even if you’re in triple-figure territory with the number of people you’ve slept with, sex with someone you like and want to build a relationship with is a big deal.
Contrary to popular opinion, lots of couples who see a future do wait a little while before having full, penetrative sex. We aren’t all diving into bed within the first five minutes.
(Safe) sex with a stranger is far less daunting in many ways.
Allowing someone you really like to see you nude - to feel, smell and taste your body and its fluids - does make you vulnerable. And we’re not even talking about the emotional complications and dangers intimacy implies - this is just the physical bit. The part when a million weird and worrisome thoughts spill into your brain faster than the champagne you’re gulping in a vain attempt to stop them.
Sex is usually driven by things like lust, satisfaction and love - but sometimes it’s simply undertaken in the spirit of adventure, the desire to explore novel new ways to share one another’s bodies. These show-off sex positions appeal to the latter category, and what they might lack in longevity they more than make up for in entertainment.
Whether you’re looking for a great giggle, fresh new sensations or locker room fodder to brag about with your pals (with permission), these ambitious arrangements are well worth a shot. Choose the position that's closest to an old favourite and shift into that when the going gets a little too tough!
Having her strip for him is one of the most popular male sexual fantasies - but lots of women baulk at fulfilling it.
Why? They’re worried they’re going to look like an idiot.
Fear not! This simple, step-by-step guide will have you looking like a pro (in all the right senses!)
10 Golden Rules
Absolutely Totally Cannot Be Broken Rule No 1: You’re allowed to touch him but he’s not allowed to touch you. Not with his hands, mouth, tongue or penis. Only his eyes and imagination are allowed to roam.
Absolutely Totally Cannot Be Broken Rule No 2: You must maintain eye contact with him throughout the performance.