This is how men really feel about sex

This is a snapshot of what men have told me during the three decades I’ve been writing and researching about sex and relationships.

Read and learn – I certainly have over the years!

Every time a woman looks in the mirror and thinks, ‘Do I look fat in this?’…

A man looks down and wonders ‘Am I big enough?’. You aren’t the only one with insecurities. Sex is much more than a physical act for me. I also use it to express love. Sometimes I find it difficult to express emotion and sex is a way of getting physically close to you.

When you reject sex with me, I feel like you’re rejecting me as a person. Don’t stop being affectionate just because you don’t want sex…

My sexual system is different than yours. I need you to tell and show me specifically what you want so I can understand your body properly. Please don’t expect me to mind-read: we’ll both end up frustrated and disappointed. Say I rub the wrong bit and you think I’m an idiot?

You aren’t the only one who can fake orgasms and I do it for all the same reasons you do. If I’m tired and know I won’t climax, or had too much to drink, sometimes it’s easier to fake it than explain…

Don’t be insulted if I don’t rise to the occasion every single time – especially at the start. The hotter you are and the more I like you and want to impress you, the more anxious I get.

My bits are out there, not hidden like yours. If the equipment doesn’t work when I most desperately need it to, it’s humiliating. I can’t fake excitement like you can. I might be able to fake an orgasm but I can’t fake an erection. And that’s all before I’ve even had time to worry about it ending too soon or what’s going on with you and your bits.

Just because I want to try new things, doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re sexy. Don’t take it as an insult. I just need and want variety.

I’m a visual person. I like to look at sexy things. There’s nothing sinister about me looking at the odd bit of porn. I don’t make a fuss about you reading erotic novels…

Stop worrying about your body. It’s great that you take care of yourself but please stop stressing about the wobbly bits. I focus on the parts I love, not the bits you hate.

On the topic of your body, I know it’s a cliché…

But I do love it when you wear sexy underwear. It’s foreplay for my eyes. The only thing better than you dressed in Agent Provocateur is when you add a pair of high heels.

I understand that we don’t always want sex at the same time or the same amount. But it really helps if you don’t just say no, you say when it might be possible.

I know your sex drive is affected by your monthly cycle…

But can you give me a bit of a heads up as to when is the right time to make a move? Let’s make the most of that time, rather than focus on when you don’t feel like it.

When you act like you’re only have sex to please me, it makes me angry and disappointed. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. It’s really nice when you initiate sex. It makes me think you like it as much as I do.

I know you have fantasies, just like I do…

As much as I don’t necessarily want to hear about ones involving other people (I’m already paranoid you fancy my best mate more than me!), I love hearing what turns you on.

I know you have a vibrator so why hide it in the drawer? Take it out and take the pressure off me. But please let it be a nice, small, discreet model.

Can we have sex anywhere but in the bedroom? And if that’s not possible (kids, your Mum staying over), can we at least skip the bed?

*It’s her turn soon. So keep an eye out for ‘What women really feel about sex’ soon!

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