We tend to measure our enjoyment of sex in terms of performance.
But sexual happiness isn’t measured by how much sex you’re having, how long you’re having it for or how many people you’ve had sex with.
Sexual happiness is an attitude: a healthy, uninhibited way of thinking about sex that gives you the courage to be truly yourself sexually.
There are many light bulb moments that bring us to this blissful state - which is why the following list is by no means exhaustive.
But, for me, these are cornerstones of a sexual happiness philosophy.
Want to know what my most popular blogs are about?
Anal sex, anal sex - and anal sex.
You’re all obsessed with it! Which is why I'm reposting one of my most read blog posts.
But while it is fast growing in popularity, within relationships, anal sex is still a divisive and delicate subject to broach.
Generally speaking, most men are keen to give it a go while most women are more cautious. Interestingly, gay men also approach their first time with trepidation and the same guy who assured you it wouldn't hurt one bit suddenly loses enthusiasm if you suggest pegging (putting on a strap-on dildo and penetrating him)!
So the first thing to remember for both of you is this: it's the person being penetrated who is the boss here.
Whether it’s a Tinder hook-up or a long-awaited first night with a potential love of your life, getting naked for the first time can be nerve wracking!
You won’t be the first person to wonder what your new lover is thinking the first time they see you stripped bare.
My bet is any - and probably all - of the following.
You think they’re judging you? Wrong!
Gay, lesbian, straight, gender-fluid - we’re all far too caught up in worrying about ourselves...
It’s an inherently human characteristic to want to share everything with someone we’ve fallen in love with. Talking about your past is all part of the ‘I want to know everything about you’ beginning bit, when you don’t just want to be with someone, you want to climb inside their skin and live in there.
There’s also an urge to big ourselves up at this stage: we want the new person to know we’re special and they’ve got themselves a damn good catch.
These are the seemingly harmless reasons that motivate us to do the one thing that almost certainly guarantees our glossy, promising new relationship is doomed: to over-share about past sexual encounters.
If any of the following are about to come out of your mouth, close it right now...
Threesomes consistently top the 'Fantasies I'd most like to take through to reality' list for both sexes.
But there's an enormous difference between watching one online and having one in reality. Of all the fantasies couples choose to act out, inviting another person into your bed is the one most guaranteed to go wrong - and most likely to have negative effects on your relationship long-term.
Not such a good (cheap) idea for hubby's Xmas present after all!
Listen, lots of people enjoy threesomes on a regular basis and manage them perfectly well.
But it takes a certain type of couple and a certain type of personality to deal with the potential fallout. If you're thinking of having one for the first time, here's some of the potential pitfalls you should think through before going there.
As someone who's written about sex for more than three decades (yes, that old!), I find it rather depressing that some of the sex myths that were kicking around when I was studying psychology at university are still widely believed today.
Here's six, stubborn commonly believed 'facts' about sex that have absolutely no basis in reality at all.
How much sex makes people happiest?
Is there a magic number of times per week the average couple should aim for to keep both partners happy in bed and out?
Traditionally, therapists say sex counts for about a quarter of the total happiness of a relationship. But new studies reveal all sorts of interesting – and contradictory - evidence on how much sex contributes to long-term relationship satisfaction.
Here’s the latest on who is happiest doing what:
January is a month of reflection - and decisions. If your relationship finished in a decidedly messy state at Christmas, the start of a New Year offers just the incentive you need to sort things out.
Stopping that affair, for instance.
Mira Kirshenbaum, one of my favourite US relationship experts, is the author of When Good People Have Affairs.
It’s one of few books written for people who are involved in affairs, and don’t know what to do, that doesn’t beat them about the head with a stick.
Mira identifies 17 different types of affairs in the book - which have inspired some of the reasons below. (Others are my own observations or based on current research.)
If you’re having an affair and need to make some tough decisions this year, this should help clarify your motives and offer practical advice on what to do next.