For most of us, our partner having sex with someone else would be our worst nightmare. But for some it’s their biggest sexual fantasy.
‘Cuckolding’ – when someone is turned on by watching their partner have sex with someone else – is the fastest growing fetish in the western world.
It’s not like a threesome because only two people interact – the other just watches. Sometimes the third person isn’t even there at the time. They might get the other person to video it, or just come back and tell them their exploits (usually in great detail!).
The other popular term for this is ‘hotwifing’. Cuckolding differs from ‘hotwifing’ because it often has a BDSM element in it as well – the person who is watching takes on a submissive, sometimes masochistic role – but other than that they are very similar.
More than half of us are intrigued
Around 58 per cent of straight married men have ‘cuckold fantasies’ and find the prospect of their wives having sex with other guys to be sexually arousing.
Only 25 per cent of straight women have the fantasy – but that’s still one quarter of all women! Gay and bisexual men and women are even more likely to have cuckolding fantasies.
‘Cuckold porn’ is second only to ‘youth’ in straight men’s searches of porn sites like PornHub and Justin Lehmiller, the author of the largest, most comprehensive study of Americans sexual fantasies, says he was inundated with tales of men eager to watch their wives or girlfriends have sex with other men.
Why would you want to do it?
Some say it’s an eroticisation of every man’s fear that his wife will cheat: men cope with the threat of infidelity by turning the fear into something sexually arousing. If you’re seriously worried your wife is going to cheat, flipping it on its head to become something you want to happen is one way of dealing with the jealousy.
There’s also a voyeuristic element – obviously – while psychologists think it’s a lot about reflected glory. It’s a status symbol to have a wife who other men want to sleep with. I pulled her and other men want her – so how great am I? AND she still comes home with me – chooses me above all those other guys!
I had a friend who did this a few times. I was quite nerve wracking, meeting with her and getting the latest instalment on her journey. Her husband spent months talking her into trying it but when it actually happened, she loved it and he hated it. (And blamed her for doing it!)
Another couple I interviewed – who are in their mid 30s and have been together eight years – have enjoyed it for five years and have no intention of stopping. He says the appeal is that it’s still taboo and he quite likes the humiliation of watching his wife have a better orgasm with another man than she does with him.
(Clearly, this is not for the sexually insecure!)
His wife says, for her, the kick is being watched and having an audience.
Intrigued to try it?
Absolutely do not try to find someone within your friend circle – it will not end well. Instead, go online, search for ‘cuckold’ or ‘hotwife’ websites and you will be spoilt for choice. Nearly all have a way of connecting with other people.
This – obviously – comes with an enormous ‘TRY AT YOUR OWN RISK!’ sticker plastered all over it. There can be tremendous fall out because the fantasy of it is very different from the reality.
Take baby steps and if there’s any doubt on either side, leave it as a fantasy or role-play.