Here’s the second in a three-part guide for women on what happens when you can only orgasm one way. Is it a problem? Can you be taught how to climax a different way? All the answers are here. You’ll find Part 1 here (what happens if I can only orgasm with my vibrator) and Part 2 here (what happens if I can only orgasm alone).
I CAN ONLY ORGASM WHEN I’M ON TOP
“I learnt to orgasm early: with my first ever boyfriend. He was older than me and very experienced – maybe that’s why it happened easily. My first orgasm was with me on top and I can’t get there any other way. I don’t understand the fuss about clitoral orgasms: they just feel irritating.”
Reason why: In lots of women’s (and men’s) eyes, you’ve hit the jackpot, so why would you want to explore other ways of making yourself climax? Intercourse orgasms are like the holy grail: less than one quarter of women achieve them but nearly all women want to. Thanks to centuries of societal brainwashing, It’s what we all secretly think ‘should’ happen.
There’s evidence ‘vaginal orgasms’ feel milder than orgasms achieved through stimulation of the clitoral tip (the bit you can see) by a vibrator, tongue or finger. If that feels too intense for you, could be you have tightly packed nerve endings that are ultra-sensitive and indirect stimulation suits you better.
It’s a good thing? As I’ve mentioned, in many ways, yes. Research also shows women who orgasm through penetrative sex alone are much more active in bed – not afraid to reposition themselves until they find their ‘sweet spot’ and happy asking for what they want or need to orgasm.
How come I can climax through intercourse and other women can’t?
While ALL orgasms originate from the clitoris, there’s an inner part that you don’t see. Most of the clitoris is hidden underneath, extending in two ‘wings’ about four inches long. The place we call the ‘G-spot’ – an area on the front vaginal wall – is part of the clitoral network. It’s the C-spot, not the G-spot!
Most women climax when the tip of the clitoris, the most sensitive part, is stimulated. But some women get enough stimulation from the penis rubbing the inner clitoris underneath the skin.
There’s also evidence women who have vaginal orgasms have a clitoris that’s bigger and closer to the entrance of the vagina, meaning it gets ‘pulled’ during thrusting.
Any downsides? In terms of intercourse, it could be an issue if you or your partner aren’t keen on woman-on-top positions. The other obvious drawback is that you’re dependant on having a real-live person with you, one who is also in the mood when you are.
TEACH YOURSELF ANOTHER WAY
Even if you’re feeling quite superior to the rest of us, this shouldn’t stop you extending your orgasm repertoire.
Try a clitoral vibe: If you haven’t already experimented with clitoral stimulation, give it a whirl. Choose a clitoral vibe that fits in the palm of your hand: they tend to have gentler vibration. If it still feels too intense, put a T-shirt between you and it to deaden the vibration.
Use a g-spot vibe or a dildo: You can easily recreate the sensation of a penis inside you by inserting a G-spot vibe (shaped to hit the bit of the vaginal wall that’s stimulated by you-on-top). If you don’t like the vibration, use a dildo and massage the area instead.
With a partner:
It’s unlikely you’ll be getting too many complaints from a male partner because your ideal way to orgasm – intercourse – is also his.
Try new oral sex techniques: A tongue provides an entirely different type of stimulation than a vibrator or finger. It’s softer, for a start. Experiment with new techniques and new positions; insert a dildo or G-spot vibe and leave it in place as they give you oral, so you’re also getting internal stimulation.
Find other positions that stimulate the front vaginal wall. Doggy style is a good bet. Tilt your pelvis and try lying flat, on all fours or leaning forward on your forearms to hit different parts.
Switch from another position to woman-on-top at the very end for variety.