Question:
I’m 17 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and we’re both ready to have sex. Can you give me some hints on how to make the first time really, really good?
Answer:
Yes but, to be blunt, the hints are more likely to help make the first time less traumatic and a nice, bonding experience rather than ensure it’s ‘really, really good’. Most people – especially women – end up horribly disappointed the first time they have sex. There’s usually been a huge build-up and your expectations of what it’s going to be like are extraordinarily high. This almost guarantees you’ll be slightly deflated with the reality. (If you saw Sex and the City 2, you’ll know exactly what I mean!).
Intercourse, like everything else, takes time to get used to. The other reason is that our sexual system is incredibly complicated while his is simple and you have to accept that practice makes perfect. Right, now we’ve got that cleared up, some essentials: contraception. Yes you can get pregnant from just doing it once. Get yourself on the Pill or use condoms properly, by following the instructions exactly. Plan it – try to find a time and place where you won’t be interrupted and won’t have to run away immediately afterward. And while you’re at the chemist, pick up some personal lubricant. You’ll be tense and nervous and if you’re not lubricated it will hurt. Stick to the basics the first time and don’t try to be too clever – the missionary position (him on top of you) – is fine.
Have foreplay first, use lube, then you use your hand to guide him inside you. You may have a hymen – a protective membrane over the opening to your vagina – but you probably don’t. It’s usually broken by things like sports or tampons. (If it hasn’t broken, get him to press gently against it with his penis.) When he penetrates, make sure he does it incredibly slowly and gently and stays shallow. If it’s his first time as well, he’ll be tempted to thrust very fast and very deep. This may hurt, so remind him beforehand this isn’t a good idea.
Don’t expect to orgasm. He probably will – in about two seconds flat – but while it’s automatic for men, it’s not for women. We usually have to learn to orgasm. Again, don’t be surprised if you feel a little disappointed and maybe a bit teary and anxious afterward. It’s all normal. Have lots of cuddles and if you didn’t enjoy it, leave it a little while before attempting it a second time, which, I suspect you will enjoy a lot more.
