Ever wish you came with a set of instructions that you could just hand over to your lover?
Well, here’s a list I’ve started for you. Customise and add… and keep on adding throughout your relationship.
The more you tell me how sexy I am, in and out of bed, the sexier I will feel and be. If you tell me I’m boring or unadventurous, it makes me even less confident and likely to want to try new things.
On that note, I’m not always going to be up for the things you’d like to try (and vice versa). I’ll be open to all your suggestions but let’s both agree to graciously drop the things we really aren’t interested in.
I know your most favourite part of sex is intercourse. My most favourite part of sex is foreplay. Can we not rush through it to get to what you see as ‘the main bit’?
Please don’t get paranoid if I suggest something new. I swear it’s probably not something I’ve done with someone else, more something I read online and thought ‘That sounds hot!’
I like dressing up for sex as much as you like looking at me in sexy stuff. But let me choose the moment. If I feel fat or ridiculous, I’m not going to enjoy it. Let me pick the outfit and the time.
Talk to me and listen to me. The more we talk, the closer I feel to you and the more I trust you. The more I trust you, the more likely I am to drop my inhibitions.
I know you get tired of reassuring me about my body. But it’s tough being a woman in the age of social media where everyone looks body perfect even when they’re not. The more compliments the better, so keep them coming.
Listen, I get your obsession with the girl-on-girl thing. I know you have a thing about watching two women. I have fantasies about it as well. But fantasising and wanting to take it through to reality are two different things – I promise I’ll let you know the second I decide I want to. No need to keep asking. In the meantime, let’s role-play the idea or watch some porn together.
Touch me half as hard as you like to be touched yourself. My skin is thinner and more sensitive than yours. What feels normal to you, can feel too rough. Ask me what feels good. Read my body language. If I pull away from your touch it means go softer, if I move towards it, it means go harder.
Smell nice. I don’t mean over-sanitise yourself so you drown the naturally sexy and distinctive scent of your body. Just make sure you don’t reek of cigarettes and curry or garlic, all covered up with (the ultimate turn-off) cheap aftershave.
The more housework you do, the more I will feel like sex. The more we divide chores evenly, the more valued I will feel. It’s about creating the right physical and emotional energy.
I know you’re trying to impress by switching techniques and positions during sex. But it can be distracting. By all means show off your repertoire but once I decide what I like, you’re better off sticking with one thing and keeping it going. Slow, constant, consistent: that’s what does the trick.
Don’t assume I only want romantic sex. I like mixing it up just as much as you do so bring on the lusty, filthy stuff!
Wait until we know each other properly before suggesting something a little out there. I need to know it’s not just about indulging your ‘thing’ but exploring it with me.