The skill of reading body language might seem old school given lots of people hook up on screen rather than in person.
But at some point – at this stage anyway – there will still be that moment when you both meet in the flesh and size each other up.
That’s when you realise being able to read the sexual signals bodies send is mighty handy.
Does your Tinder date approve of the real life version of you?
Body language is what will answer that question.
Is your workmate just being super friendly or is she hinting she wants you to ask her out?
Despite bosses trying desperately to dampen work place romances, they still happen – and always will.
But in today’s politically charged #MeToo world, you need to be careful who you chat up and flirt with.
Being able to ascertain whether or not she’s giving you a green light to even suggest something other than friendship could save you more than a potentially awkward situation.
As always with body language, use the ‘rule of four’ – look for at least four positive signs, happening simultaneously – and always apply bucket loads of logic before assuming anything.
After that, it’s all good news if…
She’s looking at your mouth loads.
The more infatuated she is, the more time she’ll spend looking at your mouth while you’re talking. She’s imagining what it would be like to have your mouth on hers. Lick your lips and see her focus shifts to your tongue. I wonder what she’s thinking about now?
She’s lightly stroking her outer thigh.
We stroke ourselves for two reasons: to draw attention to a body part (eyes tend to follow fingers) and to subconsciously tease the person watching (bet you wish you were doing this).
She’s checking out your bum.
Both sexes scan the body of a potential mate but do it very differently. Being more visual and usually more sexually aggressive, men scan from the ground up, eyes sliding over feet, legs, crotch, tummy, breasts, shoulders and (finally) the face.
Women scan less obviously and in a different order.
We start at the face, having a good look at the eyes and mouth, then move onto hair and overall size and build.
His clothes and accessories (a wedding ring? watch, shoes) are next, finishing on his legs and then back up to check out his crotch and…his bottom.
It’s a long journey from your eyes to your arse and the fact she’s got that far means you probably passed on the other counts.
If you’ve been chatting for a while, glance backward next time you leave her. If her eyes zoom downward, she thinks you’re sexy.
She’s tilted her face forward and cocked it to the side.
This reveals her throat and neck – a part of us normally reserved for lovers. If she simultaneously holds her hair back to give you a clear view, she’s doing what’s called a ‘neck display’.
Both sexes tend to tilt their head when intrigued by someone or something.
Her shoulders flash.
When we meet someone we like we flash our eyebrows for a split second and also do a shoulder flash.
Without realising it, we’ll shrug our shoulders when we meet someone we find attractive. It’s a small, quick movement but stay alert to it if you want to be one step ahead of the game.
She lets a strap fall off a shoulder.
Revealing a shoulder is incredibly provocative. Even shrugging your shoulders can be sexy if it’s done in the right way.
She starts massaging her neck.
She doesn’t really have a stiff neck, she’s just aware this pose lifts her breasts and exposes (another sexual hotspot) her armpit.
She’ll stand with her legs apart, weight on one foot and hips tilted.
This is the stance of a high achiever: researchers studied executives at seminars and found 75% assumed this position within half an hour.
It’s also the posture of a supremely sexually confident woman.
She’ll dart short, repetitive glances your way.
This says ‘Of all the things I could look at, you’re the most interesting to me.’
She looks straight at you and flips or tosses her hair.
Some women toss, flicking their hair back with a head movement, others flick it back, using their hand. The second isn’t just preening: by lifting her arm and brushing it through her hair, she’s wafting pheromones, trapped in the sweat glands of her underarm, in your direction. (TMI but true!).
Either way, if she catches your attention, does either a toss or a flick, then looks back again, get yourself over there.
She smiles broadly.
A huge, genuine smile delivered with direct eye contact is still the clearest signal of all she wants you to come over and talk to her.
She’ll flash her wrists.
Wrists are a definite erogenous zone. Back in the days when women wore neck to knee clothing, the wrist and ankles were the only flesh ever exposed in public.
She’ll lick her lips, fluff her hair and generally preen while looking at you.
‘I’m making myself look even more attractive – and it’s all for you’.
Her hands start to glide over her arms and neck.
This is auto-erotic touching: when we’re attracted to someone our skin becomes more sensitive. It feels good when we touch it, so we start touching where we’d like to be touched by the person we’re attracted to.
She’ll do a whisper and lean.
If she lowers her voice and moves her head close to yours, she’s inviting you to share her personal space. It’s a thinly disguised ploy – you’re almost obliged to lean forward if she speaks so quietly you can’t hear what she’s saying – but it works every time.
She moves her head closer to yours generally.
The more we desire someone, the closer our heads get. The effect is two-fold: it excludes anything else from our field of vision and unconsciously prepares us for the first kiss. The most intimate pre-kiss position possible is where both your eyes are in line with each other’s but still clearly in focus.
She’ll fidget with her clothes.
When we’re aroused by someone, our clothes seem suddenly restrictive. Lots of people start removing layers, undo buttons or hike up skirts. If you’re out having drinks, note how many buttons she’s got undone and see if a few more have magically freed themselves while you were up getting your round. Keep an eye on her thighs as well (I know, it’s a hard job) to see if her hemline has risen along with your expectations.
She’ll sit with her inner thigh exposed.
If one leg’s tucked under her, revealing her inner thigh, and her head and body also point toward you, consider yourself wanted. She’s revealing quite an intimate part of her body, one you’d normally only see during sex.
She’ll start invading your space with objects.
If you’re in a restaurant or bar, she’ll gradually push her drink from her side of the table over to yours. If she’s confident you’re attracted to her, she’ll leave it (and her hands) there, hoping you’ll touch them. Another trick: she’ll start playing with things already on your side (salt and pepper shakers, menus).
Both sexes use their hands to signal interest by moving them into the other person’s personal space and stroking or caressing any object when close to you usually means they fancy you.
Test their feelings by sliding something that’s yours over to their side of the table – your drink or phone – and leave it there. If they touch the object or start to play with it, it’s likely they fancy you. If they lean back or touch it only to push it back to your side, you’re either moving too fast or firmly plonked in the ‘friend’ basket.
Her voice sounds deeper and huskier.
Lust ‘thickens’ our voice, making it gravelly and deeper than usual. Laughter also lowers in pitch once passion starts its engine and starts to purr.