Ask me anything: four quirky sex questions

I get asked a LOT of questions. 

A lot of the same questions, actually!

Is my penis big enough? Why can’t I climax during intercourse? Is it normal to go off sex long-term?

Then there are the quirkier questions. Like these…

How do I thrust when I’m on top?

This sounds like a silly question but it’s not: most of the time it’s him on top, so women have much less experience of it.

There are two ways to position yourself, experiment to find out which one suits you.

First, try squatting over him so your feet are flat (if there’s a bed head, you could lean forward and grab this for balance) and use your calf and upper thigh muscles to lift you up and down.

Or straddle him so you’re resting on your knees and use your upper thigh and buttock muscles to thrust.

If you really can’t get the hang of it, the cheat’s way is to get him to hold you around the waist and lift you up and down or you stay completely still as he thrusts underneath you.

How hard is a penis supposed to get? My erection is never rock hard though I have normal orgasms.

There’s a plethora of reasons why your erection’s not Hollywood-hero-hard (would Bond ever only be semi-erect?).

Physical factors include your age, how tired you are, what medication you’re on, whether you’ve had too much to drink or indulged in drugs and how often you recently had sex.

Then there are emotional influences like stress and performance anxiety (I bet you haven’t lost a wink of sleep worrying about this, have you? Course not).

Fact is, erections are as fickle and individual as their owners.

Some men’s penises are so hard, you could hammer nails with them. Others could finally bed the woman of their dreams and still only fly half-mast.

The rest hover somewhere in between – sort of where you are really.

I’m having an affair and ironically, sex with my husband has never been better. It’s confusing me. I was all set to leave now I’m not sure.

Just because the sex has improved, doesn’t mean the relationship has – it’s extremely common for sex with a spouse to get better during an affair.

Affair sex sends your desire level sky rocketing because sex is now associated with danger and excitement, both erotic uppers.

Because you can’t see your lover constantly, there’s a surplus of sexual energy – which is now directed at your husband.

Add a dollop of guilt for cheating and that’s why the frisson is back. Either way, I’m not surprised you are confused.

It’s impossible to think clearly about ending a marriage while having an affair.

If you really want to make a logical, clearly thought through decision end it or put the affair on hold while you make up your mind.

My girlfriend is more experienced than me and is always asking what I’d like more of in bed. I don’t know but feel pressure to come up with something.

When she asks you again, whisper in her ear, “I don’t know…what’s on offer?’

That puts the ball back in her court to come up with some saucy suggestions.

Another option is to flick through my blog section, which covers a variety of topics, and see what appeals.

Even better: ‘fess up that you haven’t actually haven’t got up to that much in bed and would love her to teach you.

I didn’t have a huge sex drive before I got pregnant but now that’s all I can think about. Why?

One word: hormones.

Your body has such a high concentration of female and pregnancy hormones, your breasts and sex organs are more sensitive and responsive than they ever have been.

And perhaps ever will be.

Plenty of pregnant women find sex more exciting and satisfying during this period – lots experience orgasm for the first time, others have multiples.

A rise of oestrogen causes an increase in blood flow to the pelvic area, in turn causing stretching and swelling which normally only happens when you’re sexually excited.

This means your sensory nerve endings are hypersensitive – without any stimulation at all – which means rapid arousal when you are. Your breasts are bigger (a turn on for both of you if you never progressed past a training bra) and pregnancy also causes you to secrete more vaginal fluid, so you feel and are ready for penetration earlier.

Your doctor will tell you whether it’s safe for you to continue having sex throughout your pregnancy but, for most, it is.

Conception and pregnancy guru, Miriam Stoppard, says it’s actually safe to have intercourse right up till the point when you go into labour. I can’t imagine too many women taking advantage of this but it’s certainly an alternative to flicking through your phone for the 100th time that day.