Everything you need to know about anal play

Why should you try anal play?

Because lots of couples are already enjoying it – in fact, lots are taking it through to anal intercourse. Thirty-seven percent of men and 35% of women report trying anal intercourse at least once. Of those, around half continue to do it regularly.

If that doesn’t appeal, no problems. Anal play is highly pleasurable without taking it that far because our bottoms are a hot spot for both sexes and packed with nerve ending – particularly for men because it’s the home of the prostate gland (better known as the male G-spot).

This is the first in a series of practical, technique-based blogs designed to give your sex life a refresh and make it sparkly and new again.

Here, I’ll guide you through anal play, starting from a beginner’s perspective and taking logical steps from there.


  1. Start slow (as in the time between trying a finger and trying a penis is weeks, rather than the same session).
  2. Be gentle.
  3. Stop if it feels too painful.
  4. Don’t suggest it if your partner has just polished off a three-course gassy dinner, especially one containing sprouts. Or chick peas. Or broccoli. Many a lover’s hand has been brushed aside while tentatively exploring, never to return again, not because their partner wasn’t interested but because they were worried…..well, you work it out.


Insert a finger

It’s safe but saucy, not too ‘out there’ but naughty enough to get the heart pumping, doesn’t hurt and feels amazing because there are highly sensitive nerve endings inside the rectum of both sexes. Simply apply some lube to your finger or your partner’s bottom and start by rubbing your fingertip gently around the rim of the anus until the muscles relax. Use the finger you point with to begin with, inserting it a tiny way, the waiting for the rectum to get used to this new, if welcome, intruder.

Keep inserting a little at a time and once it’s all in there, either make a ‘come-here’ stroking motion or make little circles.

Do NOT use a fierce, in-out thrusting motion, like he does inside the vagina unless you’re asked to – and especially not the first time.

Try a butt plug

They’re usually made of rubber, silicone or jelly and shaped like little penises who’ve eaten too much – they expand in the middle – with a flared end (to stop it disappearing up you-know-where).

Even if you’re not in the slightest bit interested in ever taking anal stimulation further than just a finger or a small toy like this one, the butt plug is a non-threatening way to explore and experience the highly arousing sensations produced by anal stimulation.

Use the same steps as for a finger to insert it, then simply leave it there during oral sex or intercourse to add an erotic edge. They make you feel pleasantly ‘filled up’, provide pleasant pressure on everything else (the rectum shares a wall with the vagina) – and they get your bottom used to relaxing around an inserted object (just in case you change your mind about taking it further to anal intercourse).

If you enjoy using it, upgrade to a vibrating butt plug for an even more intense sensation.

Spank their bottom

Bend them over your knee or do it during intercourse when you’ve got good access.

Wait until they’re fully aroused (the more turned on we are, the more receptive we are to erotic ‘pain’), then start by running your hand lightly over those yummy, fleshy orbs, simply enjoying the feel of them. Then cup your hand slightly, keep fingers together and administer a light spank in a slightly upward motion.

Your first spank will sound more dramatic than it feels but if they aren’t expecting it, they’ll be shocked (hopefully in a good way!). Immediately massage the area for a few seconds, laugh or fix them with a wicked look (depending on which you think will convince them to let you continue), then try another spank, timing them to arrive no later than 3-5 seconds apart.

Cover both cheeks, aiming for the lower (fleshier) part of the cheeks. If they seem to like it, you can then start to increase the force a little. If you both enjoy it, go online and check out some soft whips or (if you like the pressure quite hard) riding crops and paddles.

You’re quite enjoying all of this? Excellent, now…


Try rimming

This is licking the ‘rim’ of the anus and/or inserting a stiff tongue inside it. As you can imagine, some people find the thought outrageously sexy while others would rather cut their fingers off with a saw, one by one. If it appeals but you’re squeamish, cover the opening with a piece of cling film. (It stops infection as well).

Try some new anal toys

Anal beads or probers

Picture a large pearl necklace that’s curved with a handle and you get the idea. You insert and pull out as you/they approach orgasm for explosive results.

Prostate massagers

This is a more sophisticated version of a vibrating butt plug, that’s designed specifically to target his ‘G-spot’, increase blood flow to the penis and experience a whole new level of orgasmic bliss.

Glass dildos

You need one with a flared base so it’s safe to use anally (unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t have an ‘end’) but slim glass dildos are idea for anal play and for role-playing another person in the bed (without the often disastrous fall out).


Attempt anal intercourse

If you’ve decided you quite fancy giving it go, why not? You can always stop if you hate it!

(I hope I don’t need to point this out but, just in case: if you aren’t keen to take anal play further NEVER let yourself be pressured into anal intercourse. It’s purely your decision – not your partner’s.)

Now, if you’ve skipped all the other stuff and come straight to this bit, pay attention: you should never go straight into anal intercourse without having tried other stuff first (fingers, dildos, butt plugs etc).

If you have, you’re safe to proceed.

Here’s what to do. (I’ve written it from the perspective of the person penetrating, by the way and this is a crash course. There’s a more detailed guide here.)

Apply lots of lube to both your penis and their bottom, then rub the penis head against the opening. Wait for their anus to relax and open and let them back onto your penis, rather than you do the penetrating.

Hold your penis at the base and wait until the head (only) penetrates. Pause until they say it’s OK to go further and insert a little at a time, very slowly. Once it’s all in, pause again, then do slow, gentle, shallow thrusts. Angle yourself so you’re aiming for their belly button. Stop regularly to apply more lubrication and exit as slowly as you entered – go too fast, and the muscles will tense and spasm.