Does sex actually get better with age? Here’s an honest answer

Most of you know I’ve just released a book about sex in the second act of your life called Great Sex Starts at 50.

Contrary to what some of you probably think, this isn’t a book just about menopause and dry vaginas. There’s a whole heap of stuff that happens to you when you get older – some good, some bad.

Sex really CAN get better as you get older but you do need to adjust your thinking. 

My libido dived catastrophically when I hit the half century. It took effort and research to get things back on track again. It can be done – I’m proof of that.

Fifty today is a completely different story than it was. We’re much better educated about sex than ever before. There are solutions to almost all age-related sex problems. Lots of us feel more confident sexually than ever before. Less worried about what others think, more interested in getting what we want.

Older sex isn’t inferior sex. It’s just different sex.

If you get your attitude right, it’s completely possible to continue having sex for a very, very (very) long time. Couples in their late 80s report having highly satisfying sex.

But if it was all plain sailing, I wouldn’t have needed to write the book, would I?

Here’s a few things that might be in store for you…

Here’s what could happen to you sexually at 50 (brace yourself)

Our desire for sex plummets. Men worry about penises that don’t perform like they used to, women worry their bodies aren’t sexually appealing anymore. Sex can become a source of stress rather than pleasure. Which isn’t good news because turns out sex isn’t just for fun, it keeps us healthy as well.

It’s great for the immune system, our hearts and muscle strength. One study found the death rate halved for middle-aged men who reported the highest number of orgasms. Research also shows sex helps to reduce blood pressure, lower stress, lift our mood and even improve our memory.

There’s plenty of incentive to keep having it but the reality is not a lot of women and men over 50 are still interested in having regular sex. Low desire is the most common sex issue affecting older people – and it’s twice as common in women.

Even more damaging for our health, mental health and relationship satisfaction, lots of couples don’t talk about dwindling desire. Without acknowledgment, any type of physical intimacy starts to feel awkward, so all affection stops and couples drift apart. You need physical closeness to maintain emotional intimacy.

We’ve taken huge leaps forward when you compare our attitudes now to that of our mother’s or grandmother’s generation but there are still a lot of older people flatlining and free-falling towards a sexless future – and panicking about it.

Even if 50 is the new 35, our bodies are still changing

It’s not that we’re all just lazy buggers and can’t be arsed having sex.

The menopause brings with it a whole set of challenges, from painful sex and dry vaginas (I didn’t say they didn’t get mentioned at all!) to bottomed-out libidos and body image issues. Meanwhile, many men suffer a crisis of confidence when grappling with erectile dysfunction, not to mention trying to navigate the mixed blessing that is Viagra. This is without even factoring in the pedestrian ageing realities of dodgy knees, stiff backs, arthritis and unwanted sexual side effects from common post-50 medications.

The changes aren’t just physical. Is it possible to reignite desire after decades with the same person? What do you do when you love your partner desperately but no longer want to have sex with them? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship if there is no sex? And how do you cope with the mess that’s left when infidelity visits?

These are all issues lots of people post 50 are dealing with.

Freaked out? Don’t be…

Here’s the good news

A hell of a lot of these problems are solvable with a bit of effort, enthusiasm and well-researched information.

And this is where I come in: I’ve done all the legwork for you.

You’ll find non-judgemental, empathetic and practical advice on all of these issues – and more.

This book isn’t about trying to stay young

Either in attitude or physicality.

It’s not about desperately trying to turn back the clock, it’s about empowering you with the facts you need to know. Offering practical solutions so you can be the best version of yourself. Able to enjoy your relationships, whatever situation you’re in, inspired and ready to live the second half of your life as happily as the first.

We are all unique and I’ve written this book with all of you in mind, whether you’re in a long-term relationship, newly single, happily settled for life or somewhere in between.

I’ve aimed it at women but it’s designed to be shared with your partner – male or female – so both of you can benefit. A lot of it relates to everyone on the sexuality spectrum. It’s for people who love sex, dread sex and those who never quite got what all the fuss was about.

Most of all it’s for women who once loved sex but have lost enthusiasm due to the ageing process.

I loved writing this book and so hope you all benefit from it and enjoy it!