Here’s what to do if you can’t find her clitoris

I’m not an idiot, I can hear you mutter, everyone knows where the clitoris is.

Well actually, they don’t.

It’s a question I get asked a lot by men – both old and young – because while the clitoris is obvious on some women, it isn’t on all.

Here’s directions on how to find the only organ on the human body that is designed purely for pleasure!

Is she ready?

First up, if you’re having trouble finding her clitoris, she might not be ready for you to! It will swell and become (more) obvious once she’s aroused.

A sneaky way to ask

If it’s still not obvious and you’re convinced she is turned on, say, ‘Show me where it feels good to you’ rather than ‘Hey, I can’t find your clit’ and you won’t feel like a prize idiot.

Remember, you’re looking at the top end of her vagina (nearest her tummy not her bottom) for a pea-sized glans that is usually tucked under a hood of skin, called (surprise) the clitoral hood.

Some women have a small clitoral hood, that doesn’t hide much. Other women have a larger hood that covers the clitoris completely.

Lick the hood gently

When it’s aroused, the clitoris usually comes out to meet you but if not, try licking the hood itself gently and see if that works to coax it out of its hiding place.

Think of the hood as a foreskin, you can’t just yank it back, it needs to be lubricated and persuaded.

Use the hood as a buffer

Put the tip of your tongue on the hood and move it in circles, using it as a ‘buffer’ like you would a foreskin during a hand job.

Now, for my latest trick…

If it still doesn’t emerge but she’s pulling you closer, rather than pushing you away, place the heel of the palm of your hand on her pubic mound (the fleshy bit), fingers pointed to her belly, then push up toward her tummy.

This stretches her and exposes her clitoris.

Handle with care

Gently lick around the sides, make circles around it or lap at the bottom. Don’t lick directly on it to start with and remember: wide tongue, wet, gentle, slow, slow, slow. (And did I mention go slow?)

Don’t ignore the inner clitoris

The part you see is only the glans – that’s the external, visible bit. (Though when people say ‘clitoris’, this is the bit they usually mean.)

The majority of the clitoris isn’t visible.

It splits in half from the glans to form two ‘legs’ and bulbs: they’re made of erectile tissue and wrap around the urethra, vaginal canal and towards the anus.

The legs and bulbs swell with blood when she is aroused, lubricating the vaginal canal and increasing sensitivity.

While you’re definitely better off stimulating the glans – the little nub you can see – you can massage her inner clitoris by putting firm pressure to the side of her pubic bone, closest to her thigh.

Check out this fab diagram for a simple, clear idea of what areas respond best to stimulation.