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It’s often used as a technique to teach men to last longer but controlling your orgasm can help women achieve more intense orgasms as well.
Edging (or peaking) is the new latest ‘thing’. But, like a lot of new things, it’s been around for 50 years or so.
The old name for it was the less exciting ‘stop-start method’ – which is a more accurate (though less erotic sounding) description of what it is.
Edging is mindful and slow – hence why it’s suddenly in vogue again – and well worth trying.
What is it?
Edging involves stimulating yourself, or allowing yourself to be stimulated, until you almost orgasm. You then stop all stimulation for 30 seconds to a minute, then start again. The idea is to repeat it, a few times over, to make your orgasms more intense.
It also allows yourself to hover in that delicious ‘almost-there’ place, just before you climax, for longer.
Do I do it solo or with my partner?
Both – but try it solo first, simply to get used to the technique and how it works.
After you’ve got it mastered, definitely try it together.
It’s essentially teasing but with a more specific formula. And anything that gets us to slow down in that relentless march towards orgasm is a good thing in my book.
Your partner can take you to the edge and back using their fingers, tongue, penis, dildo or a sex toy. Whatever technique does it best for you!
Because most women don’t orgasm purely through penetration, I wouldn’t advise trying it during intercourse without extra clitoral stimulation. But if you find it easy to orgasm that way, go right ahead!
Be warned though…. women can quite easily switch from ‘almost there’ to ‘never going to happen’ during edging. Lots of us need constant stimulation to orgasm and stopping and starting sometimes means you simply slip back to square one, rather than maintain the excitement level. The clitoris can become over-stimulated as well to the point where it gets over sensitive.
Delaying orgasm can also result in what’s called a half or disappearing orgasm – exactly what it sounds like. A less intense version of the real thing.
Edging is a bit Marmite, to be frank.
You’ll either love it or find it a pointless exercise in frustration!
Still a lot of good reasons to give it a whirl though.
Why should I try it?
It’s actually rather good at building body awareness and confidence because it educates you about your sexual response system.
Anything which helps women focus on what they’re feeling rather than how they’re looking is a good thing. Edging requires concentration and focus if you’re going to get the most out of it. It can take you out of your head and into the present moment, which is good news if you spend most sex sessions ‘spectatoring’ (wondering how you’re performing).
Don’t make it performance based though. Some couples feel they’ve ‘failed’ if they the orgasm they’ve put off having, doesn’t actually happen.
But if you can both relax into it and enjoy it for what it is – extended sexual stimulation – it can be an excellent way to explore slow sex.
How do I do it?
During solo sex
Get comfy and choose a time when you’re unlikely to be interrupted and don’t have to rush. Then settle in and start masturbating, using whatever technique does it for you.
That might be using a vibrator or sex toy, your fingers or pressing or rubbing against something. Add lube throughout to make sure you stay fully lubricated.
When you feel yourself close to orgasm, either stop all stimulation completely or slow your movements down. Focus on how you’re feeling right now and what’s happening in your body: quickened breath, sensitive genitals, sensation heightened. Wait until your arousal level drops a little – this could be anywhere from 30 seconds to a few minutes – then start everything up again.
Touch yourself again, perhaps a little faster or harder this time, and repeat the process two or three times until you’re ready to orgasm.
When you finally let yourself go, your orgasm may feel more intense and last longer. Even if it doesn’t, it should make you feel more in tune with your body and how your response system works.
With your partner
Talk to your partner first and explain how edging works for you during solo sex. Do a quick read through of the instructions so you both know what you’re aiming for.
Agree on how you’ll let them know you’re close to climaxing. Telling them verbally works well (obviously) but some women find talking too distracting. Depending on what you’re doing, it might be a simple as a firm squeeze on their arm.
If you’re doing it with a partner and they’re using their fingers or a vibrator, sit between their legs (both facing the same way), resting against their chest, and let them reach around with their hands. That way you both get a good view of what’s happening and can give feedback.
Then get them to do whatever works for you to make you orgasm and give them clear feedback on when you feel close.
Then stop all stimulation or slow it down and reduce the pressure considerably until your arousal level drops, then continue stimulation and repeat the process until you’re ready to let go.
What if I’ve never had an orgasm?
Personally, I wouldn’t advise edging for women who’ve never climaxed before: you have to know your body reasonably well to know how close you are to orgasm.
If you’ve never had one, you don’t know what that feels like.
If you’ve never orgasmed, instead try experimenting with holding a vibrator over the clitoral area and vulva, and relaxing into enjoying how good the vibration feels.
Don’t try to orgasm, just enjoy the sensation for sensation sake.
If you take the pressure off and use a vibrator – an extremely effective way to stimulate the clitoris without needing to master a technique – the majority of women are eventually able to orgasm.
If you’re still struggling, I’d recommend a visit to your GP to rule out any physical issues and perhaps a session with a good sex therapist (lots offer online sessions) to talk about any psychological issues that might be getting in the way (like sexual trauma or growing up with strict parents who left you with negative messages about sex).