Escape the February blues by revamping a sex life that’s become routine. This is the fourth in a series of practical, technique-based blogs designed to give your sex life a refresh and make it sparkly and new again.
This week, the focus is on oral sex.
DOING IT TO A MAN
BRUSH UP ON THE BASICS
Position is everything. You need access to his testicles, anus and perineum as well as to be able to grasp the base of the penis and slide the other hand up and over. In other words, you need room.
Also make sure you’re not at an angle where your hand’s going to end up in a weird position and get twisted or cramped.
It’s all about height. Use stairs, pillows or pieces of furniture to align his bits with your mouth.
Use your hand as well as your mouth. It avoids that embarrassing bobbing-for-apples moment when you first put him in your mouth.
Slide your hand up and down with your mouth following in hot pursuit.
Create good suction but don’t suck. I know, schoolgirl error, but just in case you’ve been locked in a nunnery for the past ten years.
Push your lips out rather than pull them in to cover your teeth and relax the muscles in your jaw and neck and
Start slow and gentle, work up to fast and firm and keep a consistent rhythm.
Concentrate stimulation on the head of the penis, the most sensitive part, but do take all of him in your mouth now and then for porn appeal.
CHECK YOU’RE NOT GUILTY OF…
Leaving him flapping about at the crucial moment. If you don’t want to swallow, just remove your mouth, keep working with your hand and let him ejaculate somewhere nice (breasts or chest maybe).
Being squeamish. If you’re worried about smell or taste, have a shower together first and give it a good old wash. Do it sexily and he’ll think it’s all part of foreplay.
Looking like you’d rather be anywhere else but doing what you’re doing. There is such a thing as a bad BJ: one that’s delivered with zero enthusiasm or barely disguised disgust.
NOW TRY THIS
Tie him up to a chair and kneel in front of him or tie his hands behind his back to add oomph to any position.
You lie on your back, head on the pillows. He kneels over you, supporting his weight on the wall behind the bed with his hands.
He sits on the side of the bed while you kneel before him.
He leans against a wall, you kneel in front of him.
You sit on the side of the bed while he stands in front of you.
Spread his arms and legs while he’s lying on his back on the bed. You straddle him, facing his feet. Use our feet to pin down his wrists and put hour hands on his thighs for support and to play dominatrix. You’ll only have your tongue free but he’ll be that turned on, it’ll be all you need.
Lollypop Hold him at the base, then make broad, long, showy licks on the shaft, licking like it’s a lollypop. The slower you lick from base to the head, the bigger he’ll think he is.
Fist with a twist Make a fist around the base and move it up and down as you usually do, except this time twist your hand when you reach the head and follow it with a swirl of your tongue.
L-shape Hold your hand in an L-shape on its side and position it between his legs, then push up firmly. This provides strong pressure on the perineum and base of his testicles. Especially effective as he’s about to orgasm.
Belly rub Put your hand on his lower belly and rub slowly but firmly to stimulate his inner penis.
DOING IT TO A WOMAN
BRUSH UP ON THE BASICS
Make sure you’re comfortable. Put pillows under your forearms if you’re in the traditional position and slip a pillow underneath her bottom to make access easier. Make sure your neck isn’t at a weird angle so you can settle in, keep your tongue and jaw relaxed so you can last longer.
Keep it wet. Lots of saliva and a glass of water by the bed in case your mouth dries up.
Keep it slow, gentle and consistent: your mantra for giving oral sex that ends in a real orgasm rather than a “Poor bugger’s been down there for ages’ fake one.
Use your hands as well as your tongue. It’s not cheating to wait until she’s really aroused, then slide one or two fingers up and down between the inner lips as you continue to lick her. Some women like it if you insert one or two fingers inside her, others find it detracts from the main event – your tongue.
CHECK YOU’RE NOT GUILTY OF…
Using the tip of a stiff tongue rather than the flat of it. First up, your tongue will be knackered out in about five minutes. Second, it feels too hard on her end (especially at the start). Third, if you flatten out your tongue as much as possible, it covers a bigger area and feels deliciously soft and squishy. Wiggle it around a little and she’s nearly there. (If she likes a stiff tongue, go for it, obviously! These are all suggestions, her feedback overrides all of them.)
Expecting an orgasm in five minutes flat. Unless she’s massively turned on, settle in for the long haul.
Estimating how long she’ll take is like asking how long a piece of string is. It depends on how aroused she is to start and how good your technique is.
As a rough guide, anywhere between 10 and 20 minutes is usual.
NOW TRY THIS
She’s on her back, you put her knees over your shoulders.
She’s on all fours, you slide underneath (facing in the opposite direction to her) and use pillows to bring you up to the right height or – even better – you lick her from behind (facing the same way).
She’s on her back, knees pulled up to chest.
She’s on her side, you’re between her thighs so her top leg is around your neck.
She sits on the side of the bed, knees or feet on your shoulders, you kneel between her legs.
You lie back on the bed, she straddles you, lowering her genitals onto your face
She stands with legs apart, leaning back against a wall.
Alternate licking styles. Place a flat, wide, relaxed tongue over the whole clitoral area and gently swish from side to side. Then alternate with fast, darting licks with a tenser tongue. (I’m not contradicting myself, I said ‘tenser’ not tense.)
Pull up the fleshy part of her mons to expose her clitoris, then make slow circles with a relaxed tongue around the rim. First circle one way, then reverse it.
Get her to make a ‘V’ with her fingers, positioning them where she wants you to focus, then lick between them. The turn on isn’t just her knowing you’ll be dead on target for where she likes being licked most, there’s something deliciously naughty about having her fingers and bits licked at the same time.
Clock it. Imagine a clock dial is surrounding the vaginal area. Twelve’o’clock is at the top end where the clitoris is, six’o’clock is down near her anus. Use the clock as an instructional device. Saying ‘two’o’clock’ is a hell of a lot easier than doing the endless “Left, no not that far, a bit to the right, now up a bit…” malarkey.
If your tongue gets tired, move your head from side to side and up and down instead or simply hold it still against her and let her wiggle against you.