These two things are life changers if sex is painful for you

This is the third in a three-part series for women who find sex painful.

Part one talked about why sex might hurt, part two detailed practical things that can make sex feel more comfortable.

Now I’m going to tell you two easy things you can do that just might change everything for you.

They’re simple – and they make an enormous difference.

If sex is painful for you and intercourse hurts, try both of the following.

Change the way your partner thrusts

This is often the key to having no sex or having quite nice sex.

Ditch the deep, hard thrusting you may have enjoyed in the past – where he pulls out quite a way before plunging back in (see, even the word ‘plunge’ makes you wince!).

Instead, get him to penetrate slowly, stopping every inch, to let you relax around him.

Once he’s fully penetrated, keep your pelvises close and grind together in a circular motion. He can put his hands under your buttocks to lift your bottom towards him. Keep the grinding slow and consistent.

If he refuses to change and sticks to old-style thrusting, the likelihood is you will eventually stop having penetrative sex.

Switch to a gentler style and chances are you will keep on having intercourse.

Tell him this, if there are any complaints or stubbornness on his part.

(The reason why I’m not addressing any of this to female-female combinations is because women understand painful penetration. It’s far less likely to be an issue.)

Add a ‘buffer’ to stop him thrusting too deeply

You can buy squishy rings that sit at the base of his penis to stop him penetrating deeply during intercourse.

If he’s wearing a ‘buffer’, he can thrust without having to worry too much about going too deep, and you can relax, knowing it’s not going to hurt if he does get carried away.

Buffers also hold the blood in the penile chambers, so his erection stays hard – a bonus for him as well. Simply stretch the ring, pull it over the head of the penis so it sits at the base, use lots of lube and you’re ready to go.

Ohnut does a nice, stretchy buffer that’s designed especially to prevent painful sex. It works very well.

Also do a search for ‘mini-strokers’ or ‘mini-head strokers’ or ‘blowjob strokers’ (sorry to be crude, but that’s the search you need to use) and you’ll see other choices. They’re often not marketed as intercourse buffers, but you can use them as one.

I have one in my Edge range – the Edge Good Head Mini Stroker – which is also terrific.

I’ve just released a new sex toy range, designed especially for women who find sex uncomfortable. You can find them here on lovehoney (they’re the purple coloured toys).

If you’re over 50, you might also be interested in my new book Great Sex Starts at 50, which talks a lot about painful or uncomfortable sex and how to manage it, as well as a host of other topics.