Do orgasms feel the same for everyone? Does his orgasm feel different than hers? Read these intimate, first-hand accounts and decide for yourself
Biologically, everyone moves through the same stages.
We become aroused, then move to a plateau phase (highly aroused), onto orgasm, then resolution (when the body returns to normal).
Psychologically, it’s unlikely everyone experiences the same sensations since orgasms appear to be as individual as the people who have them.
In an attempt to find out, I asked an (anonymous) representative of (*cis) men and women and asked them to describe what their orgasms felt like – from the very first, tentative flutter right through to the passionate finale.
What orgasm feels like for her
“I’m not sure if the orgasms I have through intercourse are real. If I have intercourse, the aching feeling builds and then peaks, spreading into mild, pleasurable waves that I feel deep inside. I can feel everything spasm, but less fiercely than with a clitoral orgasm. Clitoral orgasms are more a euphoric explosion, an eruption.
I can bring myself to a clitoral orgasm within a few minutes but I need to know and relax with a partner before they can give me one.
That’s because I have to concentrate, block the other person out of the picture and focus entirely on the sensation – in other words, I have to think about me, not my partner.
Oral sex orgasms are the best – really intense, strong and powerful. I think it’s because tongues are much softer and gentler: the biggest mistake men make with women is they’re too rough.
When my partner starts giving me oral sex, I feel incredibly sensitive and everything feels great. That sensation then becomes sharper and isolates around the clitoris.
It’s weird but sometimes it feels as though the rest of my body disappears and all that’s left is that tiny little area – if someone chopped my arm off at that point, I wouldn’t know!
All I’m aware of is what’s happening to that centimetre or less of flesh.
At that point, I deliberately tense up the muscles in my legs and bottom and I start to feel really hot, almost like I’m burning up. Then, as I climax, I can feel things pulsating and there’s about 10 or 15 seconds of exquisite sensation.
Even if I don’t make any noise, I usually can’t help breathing heavily and faster though I know lots of women who hold their breath.
Sometimes, I’ll have three or four intense spasms in a row, maybe 10 seconds each, then nothing. Other times, especially if he continues doing his stuff, they’re followed by smaller waves, spaced less closely.
After orgasm, I push him away immediately – I’m way too sensitive to be touched. I’m completely exhausted afterward and don’t want him anywhere near me – I’m way too sensitive.
Women have to be in a certain head space to climax; a few of my friends say orgasms aren’t that easy to achieve. I guess the equaliser is men’s orgasms seem quicker than ours and they can’t have them as often.
It’s easy to ‘miss’ an orgasm as well. My orgasms vary between incredibly powerful to tiny, little ones that barely bleep on the radar. Sometimes there’s a massive build up and then it all just seems to disappear without any fuss at all!
I’m not sure why they vary so much: sometimes it’s to do with being tired, other times because I’ve drunk too much – alcohol makes everything feel numb and makes it harder to climax!”
What orgasm feels like for him
“Penises have a mind of their own. If I’m seeing someone that night and know I’ll be having sex, I’ll look down during the day and find I’ve got an erection even though I’m not aware of it.
Despite what women think, the more teasing and foreplay the better. The feeling of everything filling up with blood and becoming erect is fantastic. Arousal happens really quickly – one minute there’s nothing, the next I’m ready for action.
I feel quite tingly everywhere and I love that feeling so I’ll put off the moment of penetration for as long as possible – the anticipation is almost as good as the real thing. Spontaneous, fast sex is great but usually, the more touching and caressing she does the better.
Just before I climax, I can feel the semen travelling up the shaft in a rush of fluid. Once you feel that happening, ejaculation is inevitable. You’re better off accepting that’s it’s all over Rover once you’re at that point.
If I try and stop it happening because I want it to last longer, it still happens but it feels all rushed and I don’t feel fulfilled.
It’s a bit like being fed your favourite food intravenously: the end result is the same but there’s no pleasure in it. My brain has to be conscious of me having an orgasm before it registers the nice part; your body and mind have to be in tune.
Orgasm is a release. It feels like you’ve been holding onto something forever and are then allowed to let go. The semen pumps out in jerky spasms and I feel this body-shattering intense pleasure. My orgasm seems to last about six seconds though my friends have told me theirs last only two to three. I’m either lucky or my sense of timing is shot!
I think most men are always trying to think of ways to make their orgasms last longer because they’re usually so short.
“I lose my erection within seconds afterward. Once It’s happened, it’s like all over, that’s it. Then I need quiet time to chill out, even though I do feel close to my partner if I love her.
Unlike women, our orgasms don’t seem to vary as dramatically in a physical sense, but some do feel different to others. The longer it’s been between them and the newer the relationship, the stronger they feel.”