Why jokes about penis size need to stop

Ever made a joke about the size of a man’s penis?

This blog is written by a guy I chat to on facebook who finds all those ‘innocent’ cracks about ‘big is best’ deeply upsetting.

He’s not the only one.

I constantly get distraught emails from men, worried sick that they don’t measure up.

Size is something men can’t control.

Please. Let’s all be a bit more respectful and sensitive.  

I am a man who finds the subject of penis size extremely upsetting.

On an almost daily basis, society mocks men about the size of their penis.

Every day, there is a constant barrage of media and social torment. Someone, somewhere, is making a joke about penis size – often outing and shaming guys for it.

For a gender that has long proclaimed to want to be judged on who they are as people, women sure seem keen to reduce men to inches – and are rude and abusive when it isn’t the number they want.

This is personal

I have a reason for being sensitive about the subject.

When you are 34 years old and have never held hands or had a first kiss, you worry.

When you realise your only ‘sexual’ interaction was in hospital, with an NHS nurse who laughed at the size of your penis when you were in your teens, you move from worry to panic.

When literally every woman you’ve known in adult life outside of family members, says size does matter and that anything under seven inches is essentially no use and makes a man undatable, you move beyond concern and totally give up.

There’s a shocking double standard

Why is it acceptable for a man’s penis size to be the constant butt of jokes? Why aren’t women pulled up on this?

In this #MeToo society, a man is pulled up on saying he prefers a certain hair colour. But nothing is said when a woman mocks and insults a man for a body part he has no control over.

Let’s look at just some of the media examples over past years.

Love Island girls spy on Chris Hughes ‘baseball bat’ penis as he takes a steamy shower.

What would women say if men were spying on a woman in the shower because of how big her breasts were?

Katie Price’s crude penis quip as she compares Boyson’s manhood to a courgette.

She’s proud to do it – he seems visibly awkward.  Imagine a man objectifying a woman – comparing how tight her vagina was to an object. Would that be seen as funny?

15 funny, honest comments by celebrity women about big penises.

“I’m proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It’s great. It’s huge. It’s enormous. Massive. If I looked like that, I’d walk down the street in my panties too.”

That’s Victoria Beckham talking about her husband’s penis. Pamela Anderson says: “So many women fight over how big their diamonds are, but the size of the stone is really about their man’s ego over his little thing. I think diamonds have a direct relationship to your man’s penis size.”

Funny and honest? Or belittling statements about male genitalia from celebrities.

Everyone’s at it

Then there are TV shows – in my opinion anything with a lead female essentially – that are filled with derogatory comments.

Can you imagine how it feels for guys who don’t feel they measure up, watching the TV show Naked Attraction? (Contestants choose dates after seeing the person standing naked, face obscured.)

Musicians like Rihanna, Lily Allen, Lady Gaga – all have numerous songs with penis insults. Lily Allen’s Not Big and Rihanna’s Rudeboy with lyrics “is you big enough?”, are just two examples.

Imagine Olly Murs doing a song about huge boobs?

I’m sure it would go down a treat.

It’s making men paranoid

Is it any wonder ‘average penis size’ is one of the most searched terms. Type in ‘penis size’ on social media or YouTube and you’ll find a plethora of tweets or videos of women talking about why size matters and saying big is best.

All, by the way, thinking seven inches is average. (Note from me: The average penis is around 5.2 inches in length.) The few women that do say length doesn’t matter go on to say that girth does.

As if circumference isn’t a size?

I’ve recently signed up to Tinder and Plenty of Fish.

I found a profile of a woman who is posing with a child and works in a nursery. The line underneath reads: Don’t swipe right if you ain’t got at least 8 inches.

Woman have no idea how hurtful these comments can be – to all men, not just men like me.

The next time you’re tempted to make a ‘joke’ about some guy’s bits, stop.

It’s cruel, it’s distasteful – and it’s fucking men up.