Why lots of couples don’t have sex on their wedding night

Did you have sex on your wedding night?

Don’t feel bad if the answer to that is no. If recent surveys are to be believed, more than half of married British couples don’t have sex on the night they get married.

Here’s six reasons why…

Too exhausted

This is the number one reason women give for not having sex on their wedding night: hardly surprising since it’s usually the bride who does most of the planning and organising for the day.

Wedding days reinvent the term ‘stressed’.

They’re supposed to be a day for the two of you to celebrate love but plenty of brides have one eye on the groom and the other trained on seeing how their Mum and Dad are, reunited for the first time since their split. Not to mention keeping an eye on the plastered bridesmaid about to be sick in the flower arrangement.

The pressure of making sure everyone’s having a good time and has enough to drink and eat while trying to look perfect and ‘glowing’ when you’ve had no sleep for weeks is immense.

Is it any wonder most brides (me included – both times around!), slide down the wall the second they close the hotel room door, crawl out of their dress and make a beeline for the bed to pass out rather than do some horizontal partying.

Too drunk

This is the most likely reason why the groom’s not up for it  – though it comes in a close second with many brides as well.

Quite apart from the trillion toasts, who eats at their own wedding?

The three course meal you’ve laid on for the guests is rarely touched by the bridge and groom – most end up scoffing room service pizza or burgers back in the room.

With nothing in your stomach to soak up all that alcohol, is it any wonder we all end up so hammered.

No incentive

Course, being drunk and tired wouldn’t dissuade you from ‘doing it’ if your wedding night was the first time you both have sex.

For the majority of couples though, the wedding night isn’t the night you lose your virginity.

Most people have already done it, many (many, many) times, both with others and each other, before they even thinking about getting married.

You don’t fancy sex if you’re too drunk and knackered on a normal day: why would you fancy it after a huge, long, demanding one if you’re ten years and three kids into the relationship?

You’d rather spend time with family and friends

Most of us are world wanderers now with lots living miles from their parents and family and with much-loved friends scattered around the globe.

If they’ve all forked out a fortune to come to your wedding and there for a limited time, why would you leave early to ‘retire’.

“Why on earth wouldn’t we be the last to leave a party where all our friends and family are together having a fantastic time?” is a common comment.

Which of course leads us back to reason one, two and possibly this one…

You’ve had a row

One study (2014) found more than half of brides and grooms have slept with at least two of the wedding guests – and 32 per cent hadn’t told their partners who they were.

The same survey found women were twice as likely as men to have second thoughts the night before the big day – and 20 per cent of men admit to being attracted to other female guests on their wedding day.

All you need is a hint of discovery of any of these things to push you both over the edge.

You’re already keyed up and anxious for things to go well (and that’s without factoring in the standard wedding family squabbles, inebriated mouthy guests, mix ups with the flowers, the cars…)

It’s a day for love not sex

A sweeter, happier reason why lots of couples stay sex-free on their wedding night is love.

Bedtime is often the first time you’ve had alone together since you said ‘I do’.

Not only are you both desperate to gossip and dissect the day but also to cuddle up and look into each other’s faces to see if you look any different, being married and all.

And there’s always the morning after…

One third of newly marrieds recently surveyed said they had sex the next morning rather than on the night (while one tenth say they didn’t consummate the marriage until 48 hours afterwards).

Makes a whole lot more sense to me – and what better way to beat the post-Wedding comedown than to start the day celebrating your brand-spanking-new marriage by having sex!