Some low-libido couples happily decide to take sex off the table but the majority of us value regular sex and the intimacy that comes with it.
If you’re not having sex and the problem isn’t looking like it’s going to be fixed any time soon, decisions need to be made.
Having your partner strip for you is a top fantasy for both men and women – but lots of us baulk at fulfilling it.
Why? We’re not only body conscious, we’re worried we’re going to look like a complete idiot.
To ensure this doesn’t happen, I interviewed a London-based dancer and stripper who helped me put together this idiot-proof strip routine for women to follow. (Sorry guys, but if you watch Magic Mike, you’ll find plenty of inspiration!)
It’s tried and tested and gets a BIG thumbs up by straight couples and my gay female friends.
Go on…you know you want to!
Just about everyone has sexual fantasies – and there are lots of reasons why.
What happens in our heads is completely private.
If no-one can see or hear what we’re thinking, there are no rules – we’re free to be totally honest. No-one can condemn us for being slutty, immoral, ‘dirty’, depraved, degenerate, or horribly (delightedly) politically incorrect.
Except, of course, ourselves.
Analysing fantasies is a bit like dream analysis: it’s more about the individual interpretation than generalised concepts. Dreaming of performing on stage is a positive dream for some; for others it would qualify as an anxiety dream. But there are some common themes that tend to apply.
If you’re worried about what your fantasies say about you – or just plain curious – here’s some theories. As always, let your instinct guide you on what rings true and what doesn’t.
I get asked run of the mill sex questions all the time – generally the same three questions by men (all penis related), the same three questions by women (mainly desire related).
Now and then though, I get a particularly quirky one.
This is a selection of those types of questions: the funny ones, the ones you definitely won’t ask your mates and other fascinating queries!
I’m of the opinion that there’s nothing really wrong with indulging quirky, amusing little turn-ons like these. But only if it doesn’t turn into a must-have for all sex sessions and, more importantly, both of you have to be happy with it.
You’re not. Which means you absolutely must talk to him about it – just make sure it’s not in a judgemental way.
His erotic attachment to Marigold’s can probably be traced back to an event in childhood which caused him to link sexual thoughts with women washing up (though he may be unaware of it). Could be as simple as one of his friends having a sexy Mum, setting off subconscious fantasies while he watched her do the housework.
Let him know you’re happy to indulge him now and them but not on a frequent basis.
Not only do below average sized men have to grin and bear all those big-is-better jokes, they ejaculate much faster than their larger friends so have to grit their teeth through jokes about that as well.
All penises have roughly the same number of nerve endings in the head. If his penis is small, they’re concentrated over a smaller area that makes him more sensitive and prone to premature ejaculation. The opposite is true for men with big penises because the nerves are spread over a larger area.
Highly unfair, yes, but there are lots of ways to deal with it. Become brilliant at oral sex, for instance, and the size of your penis becomes irrelevant. (If you’re really, really good they may not care if you have one at all.)
Premature ejaculation is up there on the Things I Most Fear Will Happen to Me When I Grow Up list for teenage boys. So it’s hardly surprising that many men assume the opposite behaviour – thrusting away for hours at a time – is A Good Thing.
It’s not.
While there are some women who enjoy uninterrupted, prolonged intercourse, the majority don’t.
Our natural vaginal lubrication tends to dry up over a long period of time and sex becomes painful. Not to mention boring.
Keep on banging away, in the same position, for too long and we’ll have mentally rehearsed the next day’s work presentation five times over, rather than panting ecstatically. An average of the most reputable studies comes out at between five and 13 minutes as the preferred intercourse duration. Most men orgasm after two minutes.
Frank, George, Wilbur, Arthur – men are fond of naming their ‘best friend’ (oddly, often by the very names they use for their other best friend, the one with four legs).
I think it all loops back to the male tendency to base their self-esteem on their masculinity and sexual prowess.
Women usually base their self-worth on their relationships, men on qualities like strength, status, power and performance. The ultimate symbol of all of these – the penis – can therefore be quite terrifying to the man attached. Naming it makes it seem more friendly, softening the effect the penis has of, quite literally, holding its owner by the balls.
Men often react the same way to dildos – or anything that’s inserted and remotely penis-shaped.
Thing is, he’s heard all the jokes about women swapping the real flesh-and-blood version for a substitute because they’re a lot less trouble (and don’t shove crisp packets down the side of the sofa). So you need to reassure him about this.
You could also point out that by suggesting something sort-of-kinkyish, you’re displaying a healthy sexual curiosity, active imagination and willingness to share – which augers well for a varied, lusty sexual future.
Oh, and if you do it again, make sure you wash the cucumber first. All those pesticides….
No. While sex at the start of a relationship is typically lust-driven and enthusiastic (if it’s not, move on while you have the chance!), you’re wise to wait until you know this person better.
First up, you need to trust him in order to try ‘adventurous’ (ie kinky) things and trust takes time to build.
Secondly, the ‘newness’ of the relationship should be enough of an aphrodisiac at this stage.
A good time to start upping the ante is when the love hormones start to wear off and that shouldn’t happen for at least another few months. When it does, at least you know you’re both open to trying new things which means your sex life will stay feisty and fabulous!
He’s obviously an ex for a reason: tactlessness.
Lots of us make weird ‘orgasm faces’ – and I have to say, the more passionate the lover, the weirder the face. So he should take it as a compliment!
Good sex is sloppy, sweaty and immensely unflattering. We hyperventilate, frown, scream, show our tonsils and do a lot of scrunching up of our faces.
You’re normal. I suspect the teasing was prompted by jealousy: he wished he could lose himself in the moment so totally.