• Ask Tracey Cox a sex or relationship question

    Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator

      Ever wish you and your lover came with a set of instructions? Here’s how to write your own…

    • Why it works: Early sex is fuelled by passion - a brilliant smokescreen for hiding what the two of you are actually doing to each other. Long-term sex is fuelled by technique, imagination and effort. In other words, the longer you stay together, the more you need to know exactly what turns you on, where/when/how. The more specific you are and the more you each know about your ‘triggers’ (places or things which never fail to make you aroused), the easier it is to keep your sex life steamy. Making an arousal chart helps you rediscover things you’d forgotten about or discover new things you didn’t know you liked.

    Props you’ll need:

    • Some sort of noticeboard. Pins. Some plain white cards. A private place in your bedroom to hang it but where you’ll also see it at least twice daily.
    • If you don’t fancy the idea of a board, grab a big sketchpad and stick the cards inside it, then shove it under the bed away from prying eyes.

    How it works:

    • You’re going to make a list of ‘sex favourites’, write them on the white cards, stick them on the board and update them twice a week for a month (or once a day for seven days if you’re particularly motivated/not terribly busy right now/on holidays).
    • Think about how appealing food is when you walk past a restaurant and you get a delicious waft of your favourite food. Even if you weren’t hungry, all of a sudden you’re ravenous! The board does exactly the same thing, except with sex. You’re reminding yourselves of everything that turns you on.

    Tracey Cox Silicone Anal Bead Prober

    Anal beads look like something your three-year-old would play with but they're becoming very popular with couples looking for something other than your standard sex toy. There's still a bit confusion though, about when and how to use them so I thought a bit of explanation would be a good idea. The good thing about using beads: they feel good on the way in and on the way out.

    But - as with anything that's being inserted into the rectum - you do need to approach things carefully and gently. The rectum tears easily and isn't self-lubricating, so the first thing to do is to make sure you have some good quality lube. Anal lube is a better choice simply because it's heavy duty and stays slippery for longer. Make sure there's lots on both the opening of the anus (use the tip of your finger to put some inside as well) and on the beads as well.

    There are several kinds of anal beads. Some are plastic and joined by a nylon chord. Others are silicone and connect without a string. Buy the best quality you can afford when it comes to beads (which basically means go for the silicone ones if you can!). You don't want any rough edges (if you find any, file them smooth using an emery board) and nylon chords are hard to keep clean (and you will want to keep these scrupulously clean!).

    Wait until you're both aroused, add lots of lube, then slowly insert the beads, one by one, into the anus, stopping to allow the body to get used to the feeling before pushing them in further. They may feel uncomfortable initially but should never feel painful. You can insert them, leave them in place and continue having sex (intercourse, oral sex or using fingers or a vibe on other areas), pulling them out just before orgasm just once in the session. Or you can insert and pull them out several times in succession, making them the beads the main event.

    Top 10 Sex Tips Tracey Cox

      Whether you're stuck in a sex rut or want to make your life even better, follow these easy, achievable and effective ways to keep your sex life nice and lively!

    • 1. Choose the right partner By all means use your head to make your choice for a life partner, but don’t discount your groin. Love without lust is friendship and if you don’t want to get naked when you first meet, imagine how you’ll feel ten years on.
    • 2. Do your research You need three things for great long-term sex: knowledge (a good understanding of how your body and your partner's body works), experience (practise makes perfect) and the right attitude (the ability to let go of inhibitions, not judge and not worry about what you look like).
    • 3. Try everything (within reason) once We all beat to a different drum and if that’s what does it for your partner, why not indulge them? Just because ‘the average’ population doesn’t appear to need or want the same, who cares? So long as noone is being hurt physically or emotionally and it doesn’t become a must-have (which then moves it into being a fetish), anything goes. Don’t judge. Judging guarantees your partner won't suggest doing anything vaguely interesting again.

    Hot Sex by Tracey Cox

    • Practice on your palm: I’m dead serious. Your palm is sensitive enough to pick up on the different tongue techniques and you’ll get a good idea of what works and feels good and what doesn’t.
    • Snog their palm: The perfect kiss starts way before your lips lock with theirs. So start by taking their hand in yours and raise it to your mouth. Then look them straight in the eye and bury your tongue in their palm, swishing it around. Don’t tense your tongue, relax it, and use the entire surface rather than just the tip.
    • Now, hold their face in your hands: Tilt your head to one side, look them deep in the eyes, then close your eyes and start moving in toward them as s-s-s-s-l-o-w-l-y as you can.
    • Start soft: Keep your lips closed (but only just, not clamped tightly together), then cover all of their mouth with light, fluttery ‘angel’ kisses until you’ve left your mark on every millimetre. Kiss in the corners, above the top lip, below the bottom lip, all around their mouth.

    Tracey Cox Superhotsex sex advice book

    Q: I've been with my boyfriend six years. He works away but we see each other at weekends. For the past six months, he's been masturbating in bed, beside me, while I sleep. He wakes me up when he does it, then stops but starts again when he thinks I've gone back to sleep.

    He's now started doing it while I'm awake and watching TV in bed! He tries to hide it but I know what he's doing! I feel hurt because it makes me feel like he would rather do that than have sex with me. I'm not the most confident person in bed but I want to make him aware I know what he does. What is the best way to do it?

    Superhotsex by Tracey Cox

    We've all had those confidence-shattering moments of looking down during sex and seeing a not-so-attractive glimpse of wobbly thighs or breasts that are less than bouncy. While I won't bore you by rattling on about the 'beauty is skin deep' stuff, I can tell you a recent survey showed while weight does matter to men initially (they'll pick the slim girl over a plumper one from photographs), once they're in a relationship, they see your 'bumps' as curves. A man in love really does love all of you - and perceives what you see as faults (aka: fat bits), as signs of fabulous femininity.

    Stop yourself focusing on negatives by doing the following:

    Glass Dildo Set by Tracey Cox

    Dildos are used for both anal and vaginal penetration and great to insert during oral sex or for people who like multiple stimulation of different bits - but only one lover!

    They come in all sorts of materials: latex rubber, cyberskin, jelly, silicone or the most beautiful (and safe) glass variety.

    As well as being terrific as a role-play prop for a pretend threesome, they're ideal to help prepare for anal intercourse. You can create your perfect 'fake' penis because dildos are sold by width and length and easy to use.

    Using a dildo vaginally solo or together:

    Use lube: Apply some to opening of the vagina and put a little on the dildo itself as well.

    Insert gently: With lube, it should slide inside with ease. If using it solo, you can sit or lie to insert or hold it firmly at the base and lower yourself on top.

    Hot Sex by Tracey Cox

    The breasts are often bypassed on the way to what men perceive to be the real goodies - the genitals. Yet for most women (and lots of men) the breast area is highly erotic, playing a vital part in sexual excitement.

    As with the rest of our bodies, what we like, as well as when and how we want you to touch them, is all individual.

    As a general rule, though...

    • Start off gently and slowly, increasing the pressure in line with her arousal.
    • Watch her body language carefully to see how she responds to different touches - and make sure it's desire making her nipples erect, not the cold breeze drifting in from an open window!
    • Try sucking, nibbling, licking, stroking or gently squeezing the entire breast area. The nipples and areola (the pinky brown bit around the nipples) are sensitive but so is the area underneath.

    Hot Sex by Tracey Cox

    Think of your sex life as a bank account. Keep it topped up at a healthy level. If you had sex twice last week, it's OK to say no because you're knackered the week after. Not so good, if you haven't had sex for three months.

    • Don't say no, say when: If you don't feel like it now, when will you? Honour any promises you make.
    • Go for a low-effort option: If he's really up for it and you're not, get him to masturbate while you watch, lying beside him in bed. Or what about giving him oral sex instead, if he orgasms quickly that way?

    Tracey Cox Supersex Orgasm Gel

    It's both a curse and a blessing being female: it's harder for us to orgasm than it is for men, but it's easier to have more than one. Want to up your orgasm quota? The more different ways you can orgasm, the more orgasms you'll have.

    This technique helps retrain your body to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation:

    - Masturbate in your usual way until you're almost, almost there... then stop. Change to a new position, switch to a different technique (if you normally use your fingers, try a vibrator and if you use pressure, try your fingers, etc) then start again. Again, get almost all the way there then stop. Change position and technique again - and keep doing it till you've brought yourself to the brink at least five times. This not only stops your body from expecting exactly the same stimulation to orgasm; it trains it to expect that after one peak of sensation, another is coming.

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