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    Valentine's Day is looming and you still haven’t a clue of what to get him? Take inspiration from these personality-packaged ideas from my ranges.

    The trick to buying brilliant presents is to match the gift to the personality. Presenting your shy, conservative husband with a ‘Master’s Dungeon Play Kit’ is more likely to inspire fear than excitement! Giving your Type E (for extreme) boyfriend cutsey socks when he’s just come back from a sky-diving lesson will be equally disastrous.

    It’s all about making the right judgement call - and never is this more the case than when giving your partner a sexy gift. Men are generally less uptight about sex toys than women are BUT I’d strongly suggest you present any sex-related present in a light-hearted fashion with a ‘Thought we’d get a buzz/a giggle out of this’ message.

    This reinforces that it’s given in the spirit of fun rather than fixing any sex problems he has. Save anything that’s aimed to make him last longer or feel harder for the truly sexually secure and even then enclose a tactfully worded card that says ‘I love you inside me so much, I’m going to be greedy and ask for even more!’. Happy Valentines!

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    Last week’s blog focused on lovers who are lopsided, in that he’s too big, she’s too small. This week I’m going to talk about the opposite scenario: what do you do if he’s on the small side and she’s on the big side (possibly after having children - though it can just be genetic).

    It’s a slightly more embarrassing problem to admit to than the former, but happily quite easily fixed with some artful arranging of pillows, positioning and (I can hear you groan from here) exercises.

    SMALL PENIS/LARGE VAGINA:

    She should:

    • Do kegel exercises. Give yourself an internal workout by squeezing and holding your PC muscle for the count of 3, at least 20 times a day. Work up to three sets a day and you should notice a big difference in about three weeks.
    • Have lots of non-penetrative orgasms first. Don’t make intercourse the main event.

    Hot Sex advice book by Tracey Cox

    We all worry too much about the size of our genitals. About 85% of men think penis size is important to women, most women think men crave someone with the vaginal muscles of a Thai sex worker. In reality, there’s really only one instance when a small penis or large vagina cause problems: when the owner is so paranoid and insecure about it, they’re constantly apologising, seeking reassurance and inhibited in bed as a result. Now, that really is boring!

    By all means try to even things up using the right position and other tricks or tips listed here, but then please relax and enjoy! This week I’m talking about men who are generously endowed with women who are quite tight. Yes, it’s the problem both sexes sort of wish they had but in reality causes lots of problems. Be careful what you wish for!

    Next week: I’ll be focusing on the opposite: he’s small, she’s larger.

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    Q: Why Don't Women Suggest Kinky Things? Why Is It Mostly Left Up to Men?

    A: I get asked this question all the time - and it sort of pisses me off that it’s assumed it’s because women aren’t into kinky stuff. That’s sooooooooo not the case! One reason is because when we do, some men judge us! Despite so called sexual equality, there’s still a huge chasm between what men are supposed to do/like/get up to and what women are supposed to enjoy.

    Evidence: I’m talking with a friend of mine, who enthusiastically agrees when I asked him if it’s finally OK for women to sleep with as many people as men do. ‘Of course!”, he says, looking at me like I’ve just asked if it’s OK to smoke in a Cigar Bar. ‘Absolutely! No question!”. ‘So, if Ellen confessed she’d slept with 40 men - which is about how many women you’ve slept with - you wouldn’t mind at all.” He drops his eyes. ‘Well, no, that’s different. She’s my girlfriend’, he mumbles.

    Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator

      Ever wish you and your lover came with a set of instructions? Here’s how to write your own…

    • Why it works: Early sex is fuelled by passion - a brilliant smokescreen for hiding what the two of you are actually doing to each other. Long-term sex is fuelled by technique, imagination and effort. In other words, the longer you stay together, the more you need to know exactly what turns you on, where/when/how. The more specific you are and the more you each know about your ‘triggers’ (places or things which never fail to make you aroused), the easier it is to keep your sex life steamy. Making an arousal chart helps you rediscover things you’d forgotten about or discover new things you didn’t know you liked.

    Props you’ll need:

    • Some sort of noticeboard. Pins. Some plain white cards. A private place in your bedroom to hang it but where you’ll also see it at least twice daily.
    • If you don’t fancy the idea of a board, grab a big sketchpad and stick the cards inside it, then shove it under the bed away from prying eyes.

    How it works:

    • You’re going to make a list of ‘sex favourites’, write them on the white cards, stick them on the board and update them twice a week for a month (or once a day for seven days if you’re particularly motivated/not terribly busy right now/on holidays).
    • Think about how appealing food is when you walk past a restaurant and you get a delicious waft of your favourite food. Even if you weren’t hungry, all of a sudden you’re ravenous! The board does exactly the same thing, except with sex. You’re reminding yourselves of everything that turns you on.

    Tracey Cox Silicone Anal Bead Prober

    Anal beads look like something your three-year-old would play with but they're becoming very popular with couples looking for something other than your standard sex toy.

    There's still a bit confusion though, about when and how to use them so I thought a bit of explanation would be a good idea. The good thing about using beads: they feel good on the way in and on the way out.

    But - as with anything that's being inserted into the rectum - you do need to approach things carefully and gently. The rectum tears easily and isn't self-lubricating, so the first thing to do is to make sure you have some good quality lube. Anal lube is a better choice simply because it's heavy duty and stays slippery for longer. Make sure there's lots on both the opening of the anus (use the tip of your finger to put some inside as well) and on the beads as well.

    There are several kinds of anal beads. Some are plastic and joined by a nylon chord. Others are silicone and connect without a string. Buy the best quality you can afford when it comes to beads (which basically means go for the silicone ones if you can!). You don't want any rough edges (if you find any, file them smooth using an emery board) and nylon chords are hard to keep clean (and you will want to keep these scrupulously clean!).

    Wait until you're both aroused, add lots of lube, then slowly insert the beads, one by one, into the anus, stopping to allow the body to get used to the feeling before pushing them in further. They may feel uncomfortable initially but should never feel painful. You can insert them, leave them in place and continue having sex (intercourse, oral sex or using fingers or a vibe on other areas), pulling them out just before orgasm just once in the session. Or you can insert and pull them out several times in succession, making them the beads the main event.

    Top 10 Sex Tips Tracey Cox

      Whether you're stuck in a sex rut or want to make your life even better, follow these easy, achievable and effective ways to keep your sex life nice and lively!

    • 1. Choose the right partner By all means use your head to make your choice for a life partner, but don’t discount your groin. Love without lust is friendship and if you don’t want to get naked when you first meet, imagine how you’ll feel ten years on.
    • 2. Do your research You need three things for great long-term sex: knowledge (a good understanding of how your body and your partner's body works), experience (practise makes perfect) and the right attitude (the ability to let go of inhibitions, not judge and not worry about what you look like).
    • 3. Try everything (within reason) once We all beat to a different drum and if that’s what does it for your partner, why not indulge them? Just because ‘the average’ population doesn’t appear to need or want the same, who cares? So long as noone is being hurt physically or emotionally and it doesn’t become a must-have (which then moves it into being a fetish), anything goes. Don’t judge. Judging guarantees your partner won't suggest doing anything vaguely interesting again.

    Hot Sex by Tracey Cox

    • Practice on your palm: I’m dead serious. Your palm is sensitive enough to pick up on the different tongue techniques and you’ll get a good idea of what works and feels good and what doesn’t.
    • Snog their palm: The perfect kiss starts way before your lips lock with theirs. So start by taking their hand in yours and raise it to your mouth. Then look them straight in the eye and bury your tongue in their palm, swishing it around. Don’t tense your tongue, relax it, and use the entire surface rather than just the tip.
    • Now, hold their face in your hands: Tilt your head to one side, look them deep in the eyes, then close your eyes and start moving in toward them as s-s-s-s-l-o-w-l-y as you can.
    • Start soft: Keep your lips closed (but only just, not clamped tightly together), then cover all of their mouth with light, fluttery ‘angel’ kisses until you’ve left your mark on every millimetre. Kiss in the corners, above the top lip, below the bottom lip, all around their mouth.

    Tracey Cox Superhotsex sex advice book

    Q: I've been with my boyfriend six years. He works away but we see each other at weekends. For the past six months, he's been masturbating in bed, beside me, while I sleep. He wakes me up when he does it, then stops but starts again when he thinks I've gone back to sleep.

    He's now started doing it while I'm awake and watching TV in bed! He tries to hide it but I know what he's doing! I feel hurt because it makes me feel like he would rather do that than have sex with me. I'm not the most confident person in bed but I want to make him aware I know what he does. What is the best way to do it?

    Superhotsex by Tracey Cox

    We've all had those confidence-shattering moments of looking down during sex and seeing a not-so-attractive glimpse of wobbly thighs or breasts that are less than bouncy.

    While I won't bore you by rattling on about the 'beauty is skin deep' stuff, I can tell you a recent survey showed while weight does matter to men initially (they'll pick the slim girl over a plumper one from photographs), once they're in a relationship, they see your 'bumps' as curves. A man in love really does love all of you - and perceives what you see as faults (aka: fat bits), as signs of fabulous femininity.

    Stop yourself focusing on negatives by doing the following:

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