- Practice on your palm: I’m dead serious. Your palm is sensitive enough to pick up on the different tongue techniques and you’ll get a good idea of what works and feels good and what doesn’t.
- Snog their palm: The perfect kiss starts way before your lips lock with theirs. So start by taking their hand in yours and raise it to your mouth. Then look them straight in the eye and bury your tongue in their palm, swishing it around. Don’t tense your tongue, relax it, and use the entire surface rather than just the tip.
- Now, hold their face in your hands. Tilt your head to one side, look them deep in the eyes, then close your eyes and start moving in toward them as s-s-s-s-l-o-w-l-y as you can.
- Start soft Keep your lips closed (but only just, not clamped tightly together), then cover all of their mouth with light, fluttery ‘angel’ kisses until you’ve left your mark on every millimetre. Kiss in the corners, above the top lip, below the bottom lip, all around their mouth.
- Detour to the neck Keep planting soft kisses across their face, then walk your lips down the neck until you reach the hollow. Once there, open you mouth wide and plant your lips. Make some slight suction to suck some flesh between your front teeth. Give a little nip/tug, then release.
- Back up to the lips to nibble Take their bottom lip and trap it between your teeth. Twist it slightly then use a nip-and-nibble, suck-and-tug motion. Do the same to the top lip. Nibble in the corners, to the side, dead centre.
- Open your mouth, lock lips and move into a traditional kissing motion. This bread-and-butter technique basically involves pressing your lips against theirs and moving your mouths. Think what a fish does with theirs and imitate. The easiest way to vary this kiss is through pressure. Contrast soft, gentle kisses with harder, passionate ones as you get more excited.
- Use your tongue Start by darting the tip in and out of their mouth, not too quickly and not too often. The absolute worst kissers tense their tongues until they turn into ironing boards, stick it in your mouth and then leave it in there. Instead, try moving the tip back and forth, then imitate a figure of eight.
- Moan Letting out even a tiny moan/sign/groan of pleasure while their mouth is on yours, ups the eroticism through the roof because it creates vibration and brings another sense into focus: sound.
- Bite - carefully You can get the sensation without having to leave lasting reminders of lust. Instead of sucking away like a Hoover, take a fold of flesh between your teeth and use your lips and mouth to create slight suction and sensation. Practise on your palm you’ll instantly feel/see the difference between doing this and rhythmic sucking, which is what leaves a mark.
- Use your tongue again to imitate the longed-for thrusts of your pelvises. Or wait until you are having intercourse and make your tongue a second penetration. It’s also useful to set the pace subliminally. (If you want him to thrust slower with his pelvis, thrust slower with your tongue. Speed things up by speeding your tongue movements up.)
- How long should the perfect kiss last?Statistics show the average kiss lasts around three and a half minutes with only one in six of us claiming kisses of five minutes or more. Men are twice as likely to not mind if a kiss lasts less than a minute – and less likely to enjoy one that lasts five minutes or longer. (Unless it’s extraordinarily sensual – which, of course, yours will be after all this training!)
Q: I've been with my boyfriend six years. He works away but we see each other at weekends. For the past six months, he's been masturbating in bed, beside me, while I sleep. He wakes me up when he does it, then stops but starts again when he thinks I've gone back to sleep.
He's now started doing it while I'm awake and watching TV in bed! He tries to hide it but I know what he's doing! I feel hurt because it makes me feel like he would rather do that than have sex with me. I'm not the most confident person in bed but I want to make him aware I know what he does. What is the best way to do it?
We've all had those confidence-shattering moments of looking down during sex and seeing a not-so-attractive glimpse of wobbly thighs or breasts that are less than bouncy. While I won't bore you by rattling on about the 'beauty is skin deep' stuff, I can tell you a recent survey showed while weight does matter to men initially (they'll pick the slim girl over a plumper one from photographs), once they're in a relationship, they see your 'bumps' as curves. A man in love really does love all of you - and perceives what you see as faults (aka: fat bits), as signs of fabulous femininity.
Stop yourself focusing on negatives by doing the following:
Dildos are used for both anal and vaginal penetration and great to insert during oral sex or for people who like multiple stimulation of different bits - but only one lover!
They come in all sorts of materials: latex rubber, cyberskin, jelly, silicone or the most beautiful (and safe) glass variety.
As well as being terrific as a role-play prop for a pretend threesome, they're ideal to help prepare for anal intercourse. You can create your perfect 'fake' penis because dildos are sold by width and length and easy to use.
Using a dildo vaginally solo or together:
Use lube: Apply some to opening of the vagina and put a little on the dildo itself as well.
Insert gently: With lube, it should slide inside with ease. If using it solo, you can sit or lie to insert or hold it firmly at the base and lower yourself on top.
The breasts are often bypassed on the way to what men perceive to be the real goodies - the genitals. Yet for most women (and lots of men) the breast area is highly erotic, playing a vital part in sexual excitement.
As with the rest of our bodies, what we like, as well as when and how we want you to touch them, is all individual.
As a general rule, though...
- Start off gently and slowly, increasing the pressure in line with her arousal.
- Watch her body language carefully to see how she responds to different touches - and make sure it's desire making her nipples erect, not the cold breeze drifting in from an open window!
- Try sucking, nibbling, licking, stroking or gently squeezing the entire breast area. The nipples and areola (the pinky brown bit around the nipples) are sensitive but so is the area underneath.
Think of your sex life as a bank account. Keep it topped up at a healthy level. If you had sex twice last week, it's OK to say no because you're knackered the week after. Not so good, if you haven't had sex for three months.
- Don't say no, say when: If you don't feel like it now, when will you? Honour any promises you make.
- Go for a low-effort option: If he's really up for it and you're not, get him to masturbate while you watch, lying beside him in bed. Or what about giving him oral sex instead, if he orgasms quickly that way?
It's both a curse and a blessing being female: it's harder for us to orgasm than it is for men, but it's easier to have more than one. Want to up your orgasm quota? The more different ways you can orgasm, the more orgasms you'll have.
This technique helps retrain your body to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation:
- Masturbate in your usual way until you're almost, almost there... then stop. Change to a new position, switch to a different technique (if you normally use your fingers, try a vibrator and if you use pressure, try your fingers, etc) then start again. Again, get almost all the way there then stop. Change position and technique again - and keep doing it till you've brought yourself to the brink at least five times. This not only stops your body from expecting exactly the same stimulation to orgasm; it trains it to expect that after one peak of sensation, another is coming.
Q:I really want to try using a strap-on dildo on my boyfriend so he can experience how it feels on my end. I also quite fancy using a butt plug on him during sex.
He's not keen and can't figure out what (if any) satisfaction he'd get from it, other than the obvious fact that he would be pleasing me. He says the thought of something going in his rear end disturbs him.
A: He won't be the first guy to be perturbed at the thought of you wanting to go 'there'. But there are reasons why he should at least give it a go. The male G-spot - the prostate gland - is inside his rectum and once he gets used to it being stimulated, it can deliver explosive orgasms like nothing he's ever experienced.
Q: I have never had an orgasm. I've had a few partners over the years and but none of them ever really cared about making me feel good. My current partner of one year does and we've tried lots of toys, orgasm gels, balms, creams, different condoms, positions, roleplay - all sorts. But still nothing. Am I missing something? Is there some magical solution to help me let go and finally climax? I feel like I'm broken or there's something wrong with me.
A: You need to go back to basics and go solo. The thing about female orgasm is that, because it’s complicated and not automatic, most women discover how to do it by themselves.
The first orgasm for most women is usually had by experimenting with a good quality vibrator (one that has both slow and gentle/fast and firm settings) in the privacy of their bedroom.
Sexting is the perfect way to keep things hot when you're apart or to keep both of you on a sexual 'simmer' any time at all. You can access texts or photos whenever you feel like it and (ignore the myths!) both men and woman are visual and like looking at sexy things.
But - and it's a big one - how do you stop your partner from showing their friends, or doing something even more ominous with them if the two of you split up?
Here are some good guidelines:
How to sext someone:
- Hold off on initiating sexting until the relationship is a little more established and you've sussed out how adventurous they are sexually, especially if you're a girl texting a guy. Some guys love it, others will be shocked and you'll be instantly crossed off the potential long-term girlfriend list. Course, if you don't want to be a long-term girlfriend, text away!
- It's easy to initiate a sext to someone you are having sex with, simply send a text saying "I keep thinking about us last night. It was so hot! I have an image of you that refuses to go away and it's making me feel so horny."
- Make sure it's something they have to respond to. The obvious answer to the above text is "What am I doing in the image?" And off you go.
- Even if you haven't had sex yet, you can still use the same approach: "I loved kissing you last night. You're such a good kisser! I can't wait to feel your mouth on other parts..."
- You don't have to use swear words to sound sexy. Though if you're quite nicely spoken, throwing in the odd "I want to f***k you" with certainly get them going!
- If you get caught out, claim a friend stole your phone and did it for a laugh. Or have a second phone with a secret number that can't be traced back to you.